Bridging expectation and reality as a millennial adult

Rigid parenting style has left Gen Y-ers unprepared for today’s world, struggling to define themselves

WHERE does millennial burnout come from?

Growing up as a millennial has been a whirlwind for me.

Being raised by baby boomers and being surrounded by them for most of my childhood had shaped who I was and what I believed in when I first entered adulthood.

The economic environment that baby boomers were raised in undeniably influenced their parenting approach.

Their fear of losing financial stability made them see having a child as a means to an end; that “end” being the child going into a good university and earning enough money to (hopefully) support them in retirement.

Anything unrelated to the purpose of the “end”, such as hobbies and interests, were swept away. This left little to no room for the development of individuality.

Many baby boomers implemented “tough love parenting”, whereby children’s schedules were overbooked with activities that parents believed would contribute to their future social status.

If the children refused to adhere to their rules, there was no conversation or negotiation – only punishment, scolding, or worse, beatings.

Millennials, as children, were conditioned to think that life was linear, especially for women.

It was prevalent to hear elders telling girls to study hard to get a good job and eventually settle down with a respectable man.

Or, if all else failed, girls were told to work on their homemaking skills and femininity so that they could snag a rich husband.

Baby boomer parenting imposed gender roles steeped in patriarchy on girls and boys at a very young age.

The stigmatisation of sexual health among baby boomers kept millennials in the dark about what they should have been taught about their bodies and relationships.

Meanwhile, the dismissal of child developmental issues as “naughty” prevented children from receiving early intervention.

Shutting down conversations about mental health issues with “you’re just being dramatic” made us grow into adults who feel embarrassed to seek help or therapy.

This frequent brush-off by parents prevented us from forming healthy and safe relationships with them.

The intense, overbearing parenting style of many baby boomers has desensitised millennials to harmful work environments and relationships by repeated use of phrases such as “I had it worse back in my day” or “you should be thankful for the opportunities you have now”.

While I understand that many baby boomers have this type of parenting style, I acknowledge that the reason for it is so that their children can find stability in their lives and pass it on to their children.

We cannot blame them entirely, as they raised us the best way they knew how, with experiences from their own upbringing.

Unfortunately, these good intentions do not always translate well.

Many millennials in their 20s or 30s find themselves burdened by their jobs, debts and everyday life.

We find ourselves asking questions like “Who am I?” or “What else is there out there?” because we do not know how to define ourselves outside of the system.

Many of us also find ourselves unable to self-soothe, turning to unhealthy and harmful coping mechanisms to get through depressive episodes.

We are a generation of numb souls.

Today, the world is very different from the one we have known in our childhood.

With the proliferation of the Internet, we now have information and knowledge right at our fingertips.

And there is a growing emphasis on self-care, mental health and gentle parenting.

It is easier to find out today what our parents had no idea of back then.

That is where I, a millennial, find myself stuck.

Going into adulthood equipped with what I learned in my childhood was not enough to prepare me for the cognitive dissonance I would face in today’s world.

The beliefs I had formed were in constant battle with objective truths.

This has caused a continual state of “unrest” in me, where I find myself unlearning and re-learning almost every aspect of my life.

It sounds uncomfortable, but it has helped me immensely in understanding myself and the world around me, resulting in a healthier relationship with myself and those I love.

What I plan to share monthly in this column may make some people uncomfortable, as it goes against everything that their parents raised them to believe.

However, changing your mind does not need to be a negative thing, though it may be frightening to find out that there is a different perspective than what you are used to.

But I believe that we should all make it a personal responsibility to try and make the world a better place for our children.

That means unlearning toxic beliefs that hurt others.

Are you ready to change your mind?

I’ll give you a sneak peek at the next column: Parents are responsible for their children, but children are not responsible for their parents.

Shafiqah is a women and children’s rights activist who has worked with various NGOs that focus on issues of fundamental human rights. She believes in the importance of intersectionality and strives to lend her platform to silenced voices.