Dear Thelma: Bad decisions made me jobless – and unwell

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Dear Thelma,

I am a huge fan of your column and love reading the practical advice you give. I guess it is my turn to reach out for help because I have a lot going on for the past couple of months and years.

For the past years, it concerned more of finding my true calling and living life as a recluse.

As for the past couple of months, financial standing and health condition came into the picture.

I turn 41 this year and am currently unemployed. I quit my last job in April 2017 and had plans to make a career switch from being an admin staff to an educator. I had served in the private education field for over 10 years.

After parting ways with my employer, I started focusing on pursuing a teaching course. I was so proud of myself when I completed the course by the end of 2017. However, I didn't fully recover from the burnout effects of the last job. And so I gave myself permission to have a few months break.

What was supposed to be a few months of sabbatical has now turned into nearly four years of unemployment. I really didn't see this coming at all. It is really hard to admit this but I so wish I could go back to 2017 to reverse this bad decision of mine.

As the job-hunting got postponed several times, I noticed my self-confidence to be a teacher disappearing gradually. Hence, this has led me to where I am today – jobless.

Prior to the pandemic, I could afford to be a reckless spender and do online shopping almost every month by using the fixed deposit interests earned. Looking back, I know I have made a huge mistake for not anticipating what was to come.

The later part of year 2021 was rough for me. First, I lost my father to pneumonia in October.

A month later, I experienced my first ever nosebleed and the problem has persisted till now.

Then after Christmas, my body balance got affected due to inner ear pressure. I feel uncomfortable when I walk, and now sitting in a low-back chair is equally discomforting.

I have made four trips to a private ENT specialist centre for treatment but the doctor didn't manage to cure me.

Lack of funds forced me to stop going to that place and my next plan of action was to approach a semi-government hospital because of the low charges involved. I have been there once so far and I can't tell if the doctor is doing a good job.

I am planning to get a full body X-ray done in the next appointment and also to ask if I need to see a chiropractor.

I'm in tears every time I think about my physical condition. I also feel very stressed, low, anxious and fearful because I don't know when I can be healthy again and what the future holds for me.

Also, I don't think I have ever allowed myself to process my thoughts and emotions in a healthy fashion. Living life as a recluse, jobless and sick person is no easy feat. I feel like I don't have a future to look forward to anymore.

Thelma, is it possible to work while being so-called physically crippled? I'm well aware that working from home is a trend to embrace and probably suits my health condition. Unfortunately, my neighbourhood is noisy in the daytime and to conduct online lessons in such a setting doesn't seem ideal. This is where I feel so stuck.

Please help me, Thelma. I need to know what I can do moving forward to improve my life and myself. I can't stand living like this anymore.

Crisis Soul

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Dear Crisis Soul,

Thank you for your kind comments. Here are some thoughts on how to move forward.

Ill health often comes with depression or low mood, so it's useful to talk to a psychiatrist, a medical doctor specialising in mental health, to see if you need a short course of medication to see you through the next few months.

As you're low on funds, I'd go to a public hospital for this. While you're there, get the doctors there to give you a thorough examination. The queues can be awful, so take a book with you. But know that there are lots of dedicated staff there. They'll figure out what's going on and fix you up.

At the same time, you need a revenue stream. There's little point in thinking about what could have been. So please drop the guilt. Kicking yourself is not just being mean to you, but it's also a waste of time. Focus on what you can do now.

As you are not well yet, I suggest you start by setting aside several hours a day when you feel at your best, and to look for work that will fill that time. Ideally, this is work-from-home gigs.

You have administrator skills, which is easy to do from home. As it's tax time, small enterprises will be cursing and wishing they'd hired a clerk to keep their paperwork together throughout the year. Maybe you can offer that service?

In addition, you can tutor part-time. You haven't mentioned what kind of teaching qualifications you have, so I'm not sure what kinds of business opportunities are open to you. But the first thing to do is to contact the people at your old school. Tell them you're open for business, and see what they have.

Don't worry about noise because you can use headphones with inbuilt microphones that cancel outside noise. Plenty of people work from noisy homes (think new mums with noisy babies!) so there's very affordable tech that will help. I use a gaming headset that cost me about RM50, and it's brilliant.

Finally, you don't mention a social life. We are social creatures, so it's vital to get out and about with good friends. When you're at home alone and feeling ill, you will spiral. Reaching out and connecting with the people who love you will be a tonic.

If you've lost touch over the years, start a new hobby or pastime. It need not be strenuous; join a boardgame club, a crochet circle – something. Check this newspaper, NGOs and social organisations for leads. Google Meetup and Local Events Near Me for ideas. If you're religious, ask at your house of worship.

Once you are back in the old harness, as a gig-worker or part-time contractor, you will regain your confidence. Friends will help too. Then you can ease back into full-time work if you fancy it.

But, should depression and anxiety crush your spirit and talk you out of getting started, enlist the help of a psychologist, therapist or counsellor. They can shore up your confidence, boost your mood, and plot your path into small steps, so you can move on with your life. For this, you'll need someone with a Masters Degree in Psychology or Counselling.

There are many affordable options, especially if you look to working online. Some of the NGOs will offer services too, so look around.

You deserve to be happy, so reach out and get started, OK? You have my good thoughts for your success.