It took me a lot of courage to write this. I am a girl approaching 25 this year. I graduated with a degree in communications, but I am currently working in an industry unrelated to what I studied because I was unable to secure a job in my field after graduating.
Adjusting to this reality has not been easy. My current job is challenging and mentally draining. There is no proper handbook or clearly defined scope of work, which makes the environment feel unstructured and uncertain.
Although I try my best to learn and adapt, my superior frequently changes her directions and expectations, leaving me confused about what is required of me.
When I submit my work, it is sometimes met with harsh criticism, which has gradually affected my confidence and increased my stress and anxiety.
Despite this, I continue working because I feel responsible for supporting my parents financially and helping to reduce the burden at home.
Financially, I do not earn a high income. After EPF and Socso deductions, my take-home pay is about RM2,000. I try my best to contribute to my family, but the pressure often leaves me feeling overwhelmed.
At times, I feel burdened by decisions that were never mine to make, yet I still have to bear the consequences both financially and personally.
I wish my siblings would take responsibility for their own financial planning and savings and recognise that I am struggling on my own as well.
When my parents have extra money, they give it; when they don’t, the responsibility may eventually fall onto me. But if I also cannot cope financially, I worry about what will happen to our family.
I have even considered taking on a second part-time job, though I am unsure how I would manage my time, energy and mental health.
As the youngest in the family, it pains me to see my ageing parents still working hard to support everyone. One of my siblings continues to seek financial help from them despite having a job.
When I once tried to encourage more financial responsibility, it led to a heated disagreement that strained our relationship.
Since then, I have chosen to remain mostly passive in family conversations to avoid further conflict, though I carry a quiet disappointment at the lack of financial awareness and responsibility shown towards our parents’ situation.
People often say that hard work never fails, and I am trying to hold on to that belief. I am actively searching for a role that suits me better – one where I can grow and build a future.
Yet I feel apprehensive. What if the career path I place my hopes in backfires and makes my family’s situation worse?
I feel guilty for wanting to choose a path for myself, even though I believe it might give me a chance to break this cycle one day.
What if I don’t make it? What if everything falls apart? What if I am not there when my parents need someone to rely on?
I feel caught between responsibility and the desire to build a life of my own, unsure of which step forward will lead to stability and which might lead to regret. I feel lost. – The tired girl
I’m so glad you wrote because your situation is shared by so many. I’ll share my thoughts and hope you find it useful.
Let’s start with work. You are working in a field you’re not trained for. Also, your boss is flaky. You find it stressful and you’re becoming unmotivated.
First, the Peter Principle says that we are promoted for doing well in our jobs, not because we are good at the new ones. This means we can end up in jobs we aren’t really suited for.
Your boss may be flaky by nature, or maybe she improves over time. It doesn’t matter because you will always have to deal with this kind of situation. Work is never easy. That’s why it’s called work and not fun.
Here’s how you make it through.
Step one is to ask what you want from your career. Consider where you want to be in two and three years. Then see what needs to be on your CV to get there.
This will tell you what kinds of tasks and skills you need to work on in your current role.
Step two is to work hard on your KPIs. You want to ace these so you are known for excellence.
Once you have a reputation, people are more likely to listen to you. You will also be attractive to bosses looking to hire talent.
Your aim is to be known as a skilled employee. That will help you get hired – and each time you move roles, departments or corporations, you get more money and opportunities to skill up.
Step three is to learn survival skills. Learn to document. Confirming instructions over text and email can help you gently remind others of changes in direction. As you gain more influence, you can be more blunt!
Finally, you must network. A lot of hiring is done through connections. Be pleasant, connect with colleagues and attend all the lunches and corporate events. The more connections you have, the more opportunities you create for yourself.
Now, family. Your principles say that you work hard, save responsibly and help your parents. That’s admirable. But my dear, you’re not queen of the universe. It is not your job to fix everything for everyone.
Part of being an adult is understanding that people have agency; even if they make decisions you don’t like. If you learn that now, you’ll save yourself a lot of stress and grief.
You can remind your parents they deserve a happy retirement. But you may find they are stuck in their ways. If so, you’ll have to accept that this is who they are.
The exception is if there is financial abuse. The AKPK estimates that one in 10 older Malaysians are financially abused, usually by family. Hopefully it doesn’t apply to you but it’s best to understand these things. Therefore, please google AKPK elder financial abuse.
In terms of family money, don’t get into a situation where you work yourself to death so your sibs can borrow money. You got a job in a bad economy and that is great! You are contributing enough.
Work smart and save into your EPF; it’s a hugely beneficial system. Tuck away money as you move up the corporate ladder. Protect yourself.
Lastly, your mental health. You are working hard and worrying a lot. A second job may be too much for now, especially as you must plan your career properly and work smart. That takes energy!
One of the most effective ways to destress and build up energy and resilience is to create a network of friends. Instead of a second job, I’d focus on that in my spare time for now.
Keep business and social separate. You need a world away from work. It need not be expensive! Join a walking club, go to boardgame cafes, play badminton or join a writer’s group.
Again, I’m glad you wrote. I’ve given you a blueprint for change, covering work, family and friendships. Mostly, it’s about mindset. Get that right and the rest should follow. Good luck and know I’ll be thinking of you.
