Women speak of their struggle living with violent husbands

PETALING JAYA: When she got married 12 years ago, Amanda (not her real name) never thought she would be a victim of domestic violence, having only heard of such incidents among the poor and less educated.

She thought that with their tertiary education and high-ranking jobs, neither she nor her civil servant husband would be part of those statistics.

Amanda could not have been more wrong. Her corporate bigwig status did nothing to prevent her husband from inflicting emotional, mental and sexual abuse six years after their wedding.

“At home, he would force me into having sex more than twice daily and in the workplace, he strong-armed me into entering into several contracts with his cronies.

“These contracts caused a series of lawsuits by third parties and when I confronted my husband about the decisions, he beat me and shouted at me, and after I left the house, he continued harassing me through texts,” she said.

Afraid and unwilling to end the marriage, Amanda persevered until 2014, when her husband threatened to kill her.

“We were fighting and he suddenly pulled out a gun and put it to my head, saying he would kill me if I ever told anyone about the problems in our marriage.

“It was the last straw. I packed up and left the house, and never looked back,” she said.

After a two-year struggle, she divorced her abusive husband and left the corporate world to spearhead several non-profit organisations.

Amanda is not the only one from a well-educated, high-income background to have suffered such a fate.

Devi (not her real name) was studying for her Bachelor of Accounting degree when she met the man who would be her husband – and her worst nightmare.

“Even when we were dating, he would throw a tantrum if I so much as sat next to another man, stranger or otherwise.

“After we married in 2012, he said he did not like it when I went out with my friends and he would often try to stop me,” said Devi, now in her early 30s.

A year or so passed and Devi’s husband began to slowly spend more and more time outdoors.

She later discovered receipts from a spa in the city which allegedly provided sexual services, and after confronting her husband, he admitted to frequenting the place.

“We stopped communicating and I remained silent about his activities, but after a year or so, I could not take it anymore.

“I posted our pictures on Facebook with the words: ‘After a year of being deserted, does anyone realise my sorrow’.

“That same night, he came home and started shouting at me, demanding I remove the post, while hitting and choking me,” she said.

Devi fainted from the blows and only regained consciousness much later, after which she managed to escape.

Her husband has threatened to commit suicide if she files for divorce but Devi is standing her ground.