A question that commonly comes to the mind of people who are struggling in some way or feeling lost is, “What’s the point of all this? What’s the meaning of life?”
I was recently interviewed on the topic of death and mortality and was asked some interesting questions, one of which was, “Does life have meaning only because it has an end?”
I asked the interviewer to tell me his favourite food. Without hesitation, he said, “My mum’s mutton curry”. By his enthusiastic response, I could tell she’s a great cook.
I then asked him to consider two scenarios: “Imagine you knew that, every day for the next 100 years, you’re able to enjoy the mutton curry whenever you like. And then imagine that the ingredients for the curry are running out and you know you’re only going to enjoy that curry three more times in your life. What’s the difference?”
The interviewer replied, “If I knew I could only eat the curry three more times, I’d savour it and appreciate it much more.” The thought that, one day, he is going to eat his favourite food for the last time makes the experience more meaningful for him.
He also asked my thoughts on why we pray for heaven and perhaps miss the point that life, here today, might be heaven on earth. Of course, we all face many struggles and hardships in life; but at the same time, we enjoy many blessings that we often take for granted.
Speaking from a Christian perspective, I suggested that God gives us the gift of life and yet we can spend a lot of time praying for better gifts. As one Franciscan priest here told me some years ago, “Sometimes, we pray to God like He’s a vending machine”.
This is understandable. The mind spends an awful lot of time roaming around in the past or worrying about the future. In their book Positive Psychotherapy (2018), Martin Seligman and Tayyab Rashid write, “The human mind spends a disproportionate amount of time thinking about what goes wrong and not nearly enough time thinking about what goes right in our lives”.
The nature of the mind and the job it performs every day is to keep us alive and surviving. It practises what I used to hear my mother and several teachers say when I was growing up: “It’s better to be safe than sorry”.
Sometimes, the mind can do its job too well. Like an old friend or uncle who constantly dispenses advice, it means well but can leave us feeling somewhat overwhelmed at times.
And so we might find ourselves trying to achieve more, be more, accumulate more, avoid all potential dangers, spending time regretting our past, and worrying about what’s to come in the future. All the while, we stop noticing the gifts we have now. The present moment is ignored for the hope of a better one to come.
It’s a cliché – mostly because it’s true – but I would love to have one more hour with my mum. She died in 2010 after a brief terminal illness and although we had a complicated relationship at times, I would always enjoy and look forward to conversations we’d have about life and the meaning we can give to it.
I recall one conversation we had after my dad’s mother died. She and my grandfather lived in their family home for 54 years. It took the removal van people just under three hours to clear half a century of memories from the house. But what my mum said to me then, over 20 years ago, still stays with me: “The removal people cleared that house in the time it takes to play two football games. But the memories that were made and the stories that happened in your grandparents’ home will stay forever with the ones who lived them.”
After all this time, I still tear up a little whenever I think about what she said. All things must pass, but the grief of things ending contains the love and connection that always remain in some form. In time, the loss might not feel any easier, but perhaps a realisation and an appreciation emerge for what we gained through the person or thing we loved that lives on within us.
Life is meaningful at least in part because it ends. As the Buddhists might remind us, this is no morbid reflection. It’s a reminder, as is the Christian perspective, that we have been given this gift – and the gifts around us – and should do our best to appreciate what we have.
Of course, we will all slip at times into taking life for granted. But what could you do today to let someone know you love them? What small thing could you do to stop and appreciate some of the gifts that surround you?
Sunny Side Up columnist Sandy Clarke has long held an interest in emotions, mental health, mindfulness and meditation. He believes the more we understand ourselves and each other, the better societies we can create. If you have any questions or comments, email lifestyle@thestar.com.my. The views expressed here are entirely the writer's own.
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