A: There are many valid reasons to stop sharing a bed with a pet – poor sleep, waking up in pain, dirty bedding, partner strife.
But no matter how unsustainable the situation has become, changing a dog’s nighttime sleep routine can be surprisingly emotional, for you and your dog.
“We care so deeply for our pets,” said Kerri Rodriguez, director of the Human-Animal Bond Lab at the University of Arizona. We’re responsible for their well-being and happiness, she said. So it makes sense that we’d feel intense guilt when our pets voice strong opinions about changes to their routine.
The good news is that moving your dog out of the bed isn’t inherently unkind, Rodriguez said. Dogs are adaptable and can be taught to sleep elsewhere. The challenge is in helping them adjust to the new routine while managing the emotions that come up for both of you.
How to smooth the transition
Dr Christopher Pachel, a veterinarian specialising in animal behaviour in Portland, Oregon, in the United States said that dogs will generally need one to three weeks to adjust to a new sleep routine.
A big part of helping them do that is ensuring they get ample exercise and time to explore and socialize during the day, he said. This might involve playdates with other dogs, neighbourhood walks, engaging with food puzzles or spending quality time with you, such as going on drives or watching TV together.
The goal isn’t just to physically tire them out, but to make sure they’ve had enough enrichment and social time during the day so they’re less likely to be looking for something to do – or for more time with you – at bedtime.
Ilya Fischhoff, a positive reinforcement dog trainer in Los Angeles, said that making the new sleep space appealing – with comfortable, familiar bedding and a favourite toy and treats, for instance – can entice your dog to want to spend time there.
He also recommended encouraging your dog to approach or get into their new bed throughout the day with their favourite foods. Toys or praise may help too, Fischhoff said, though treats are usually more effective. Once your pet is in their new bed or sleeping space, keep rewarding them, gradually encouraging them to sit or lie there for a few seconds at a time.
It’s important to allow your dog to leave their bed at any time, Fischhoff said. These small exercises help the dog learn that spending time in their new sleep space is rewarding and safe.
Dogs thrive on routine, Rodriguez said, so changing a familiar bedtime ritual can lead to temporary barking and whining. If those behaviours gradually fade over a few days or weeks, “that’s generally a sign the dog is adapting,” she said.
If a dog becomes frantic, panicked, aggressive or increasingly distressed and is pacing throughout the night, or if the dog gets defensive during attempts to move them to a new location, those may be signs that the change is happening faster than your pet can handle. In that case, you might need to change your approach, Pachel said, such as by slowing it down or seeking support from a veterinarian, qualified trainer or other professional.
Organisations like the American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior, the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants, the Certification Council for Professional Dog Trainers and the Pet Professional Guild maintain directories or other resources for finding animal behaviour professionals.
Consistency and perspective are key
Your own emotions can be a big part of the challenge, Rodriguez said. We’re so closely attuned to our pet’s behaviours and expressions, we don’t want to feel like we’re contributing to their suffering, or for our actions to translate as callous or uncaring.
When a pet can’t necessarily tell us what they want or how they’re feeling, it’s common for us to interpret their behaviour through the lens of familiar human emotions, such as sadness or disappointment, Rodriguez said. But dogs tend to experience and process emotions differently than humans do, she said.
One of the most important rules during this transition is consistency, Pachel said. Allowing your dog back onto your bed after 20 minutes of whining can unintentionally teach them that persistence gets them their way, sending you back to square one.
The goal is to help the dog learn that their own bed is a safe, comfortable and rewarding place, and that sleeping somewhere else doesn’t mean they are any less loved. – ©2026 The New York Times Company
