Parents, concerned about your teen’s friends?

Unless a friendship is particularly harmful, it is important to give space to your teen to make their own decisions about their friends. — Positive Parenting

Friendship plays a vital role in shaping our lives, especially during the formative years.

For teenagers, having a positive circle of friends is crucial as they navigate the complexities of identity, independence and decision-making.

A teen surrounded by supportive friendships not only enriches their current experiences, but also lays the foundation for healthy future relationships.

As a parent, it’s natural to be concerned about the friends your teenager chooses, especially if you feel they may be a negative influence.

However, unless the friendship is truly harmful, your teen needs to learn how to make their own choices.

Addressing this issue thoughtfully is important for maintaining a strong parent-child relationship while guiding your teen towards making better choices.

On the other hand, it is just as important for you as a parent to reflect on your feelings.

Are your concerns based on specific behaviours such as disrespect and poor academic focus, or assumptions about the friend’s family background or lifestyle?

Being clear about the root of your worries ensures that your approach is fair and constructive.

Here are some things parents can do to support their teen in their friendships:

> Communicate with your teen

Have an open conversation about their friend.

Ask questions like, “What do you enjoy about spending time with them?” or “What activities do you usually do together?”

Avoid harsh criticisms or labels, which might make your teen defensive.

Instead, express your observations respectfully, for example: “I noticed their behaviour at school seems disruptive. Does that ever affect you?”

> Set clear boundaries

Reinforce your family’s values and expectations, e.g. mutual respect, honesty and prioritising education.

Establish rules around acceptable behaviour and curfews without targeting the friend directly.

> Encourage positive social circles

Support your teen in meeting peers with similar values by encouraging participation in clubs, sports or other extracurricular activities.

This expands their social network and offers opportunities for healthier friendships.

> Get to know the friend

Sometimes, parents misjudge a friend without understanding their background.

Invite your teen and their friend for a casual activity, such as a meal or a family outing.

This helps you observe the friend’s behaviour and intentions in a neutral setting.

> Strengthen your relationship

A strong bond with your teen can help them navigate peer influences.

Ensure your communication is open and non-judgmental, so that they feel safe sharing their thoughts and experiences.

Observe your teen’s behaviour, grades or mood.

If you notice negative changes, gently discuss your observations with your teen and seek their input.

> Seek professional guidance when necessary

If you’re deeply concerned, consider seeking advice from a school counsellor or psychologist.

They can provide an objective perspective and help both you and your teen work through challenges constructively.

It’s important to remember that friendships during adolescence play a significant role in your teen’s social development.

While your guidance is essential, allowing your teen to make choices – within safe boundaries – helps them build decision-making skills and resilience.

By balancing trust, communication and proactive support, you can help your teen navigate friendships wisely while strengthening your family bond.

Dr Thiyagar Nadarajaw is a consultant paediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist. This article is courtesy of the Malaysian Paediatric Association’s Positive Parenting programme in collaboration with expert partners. For further information, please email [e-mail]. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only, and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.