Think of your loved ones, don’t do anything that could hurt yourself, advises victim of bullying

KOTA KINABALU: When 17-year-old “Ed” opened his eyes and realised that he was in a hospital, his first thoughts were “I am alive”.

He had tried taking his life earlier this month as he could no longer deal with the pressure and feelings of being bullied all these years, and wanted everything to end.

His brother had found him just in time, and he sought immediate medical treatment.

“I felt terrible. My body was suffering from what I did and I was struggling to breathe,” said Ed, adding he regretted his action, as he realised that it was selfish and stupid.

The eldest of three siblings said since the incident, he has been trying to move on, get back on track with his medications in dealing with depression, a condition he had been diagnosed with since he was 15.

He admitted to still feeling sad and unhappy but was glad to know that many cared and loved him.

“I thought there were only bad people but after that attempted suicide, I found that there are actually many kind people out there and many of whom I don’t even know,” Ed said.

He said throughout his childhood up till Form Three, he had been physically and verbally abused in school with classmates calling him ugly, fat and smelly.

All because they found out he lived with dozens of cats and dogs at home in nearby Kolombong as his parents were actively involved in rescuing and fostering strays, while he had been helping them since he was seven.

“I felt small, scared and extremely sad. Why do they have to say those horrible things? I never fought back and kept all my sadness and anger to myself most of the time,” Ed said.

He tried to stay positive by playing games, singing to his guitar and drawing, but the sadness lingered.

His mother, who only wanted to be identified as Diana, noticed the changes in her son’s attitude including not wanting to go to school when he was younger, and found that he was being bullied.

“I spoke to Ed and managed to get an idea of what was bothering him in school. I even transferred him to another primary school but the same thing happened,” she said.

She told his teachers about what was happening but the bullying continued.

Diana said it was the same in secondary school, but luckily, it stopped when he was around 15, so she thought her son was feeling better.

The incident left her heartbroken and shocked as she didn’t know that he was still struggling with his emotions and thoughts, every day.

She asked if caring for the strays were a burden for him and if he wanted to see all the animals gone, but he said no as he has fun cleaning the animals’ cages and spending time with their fostered strays.

It is the long-term effects of being bullied that he has to deal with and recover from, Diana said.

She called on parents to be more mindful of what and how they teach their children, and for schools to take more proactive steps in preventing bullying.

“I hope the community will not look at this as a small matter, but rather a serious issue that needs proper intervention,” Diana said.

For Ed, he will continue helping his parents with their volunteering, and try to find his passion in life.

“I want to be happy and do things that I truly enjoy. I have fun helping my parents and spending time with the animals but I want to find something that is truly mine in future,” he said.

His advice to those struggling with their emotions like himself is, “think of your loved ones, and don’t do anything that could hurt yourself, or those who care for you”.

Those in need of help and counselling can reach out to: Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service (03-2935 9935 or 014-322 3392); Talian Kasih (15999 or WhatsApp [phone]); Jakim’s Family, Social and Community Care Centre (WhatsApp [phone]); and Befrienders Kuala Lumpur (03-7627 2929) or checkout www.befrienders.org.my/centre-in-malaysia for a full list of numbers and operating hours).