Depression can happen to anyone

Human interaction: Family support and counselling can help sufferers overcome depression.

DEPRESSION is a common, serious illness and not a personal weakness.

Depression can happen to anyone, at any age. It can be triggered by chemical imbalance in the brain, hormonal changes, medication or things going on in your life.

Here are some compelling stories by people afflicted with depression.

Experts say depression is the most treatable of all mental illnesses.

About 60 to 80% of depressed people can be treated successfully.

Treatments such as psychotherapy and support groups help people deal with the major changes in life.

Case 1: She sleeps with a knife under her pillow after assault by dad

She slept with a kitchen knife, wrapped in a mitten, while she thought of an “exit strategy”.

Robynn* was just 14 years old when she contemplated suicide.

“There were so many times that I wanted to slit my wrist and bleed out. I even did research about death and committing suicide,” recalled the communications executive, who is now 27.

Her father, whom she regarded as superman of the family then, was having an affair with a younger woman right under the whole family’s nose for years.

“He blamed my mother for it, saying that she was cold towards him. He wanted me to choose sides and got angry and violent when I didn’t.

“He assaulted me one night because I didn’t want to speak to him or let him enter my bedroom.

“He grabbed my hair, shoved me against the wall and pinned me there – choking me. I thought I was going to get raped that moment because I thought he would have wanted to exert his power like some men do.

“His face close to mine, shouted at me for not respecting him and blamed me for his violence,” said the traumatised Robynn.

To make matters worse, Robynn’s controlling, emotionally abusive father and severely depressed housewife mother had heated arguments on a daily basis. Both constantly bad-mouthed each other to her.

“I didn’t know I was under depression. I locked myself in my room every day and cried while I held the knife. I felt so useless and helpless,” said Robynn.

The youngest of four children, Robynn was left to deal with the situation alone. Her elder siblings were studying overseas and only came home during summer breaks.

She convinced her father to let her meet his mistress – now her stepmother – and accepted her into her life to get things going.

“Many people say time heals everything. But there are some scars that remain embedded for life,” said the Kuala Lumpur-born who still get panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.

After completing secondary education, Robynn furthered her studies in another state, graduated and found a full-time job she was passionate in.

She believed she was moving on and doing decently in life.

However, her job did not sit well with her “traditionally Chinese” father – a public listed company director – who looked down on her profession.

“He told me that I’m in a menial job that anyone without a degree certificate can do. He would also pile on the pressure by comparing me to my siblings who were working overseas as highly paid professionals.

“Work life is stressful enough, but having a controlling father in the equation triples the stress. There were many times I broke down in the car on the way home,” said Robynn, revealing that her father would not allow her to do overtime work.

Unable to take it anymore, Robynn moved out. She is doing well and her depression is under control.

Case 2: Be vocal about your mental health, staying quiet will not help

Teen depression survivor, who only wanted to be known as Xuan, started making excuses so that she need not go to school.

“Consuming food was hard. My parents didn’t know about my depression,” she said.

Xuan said she only took meals in school or when she was with her parents. Her weight was constantly dropping.

“My body was so weak my hands will shake when I lift a spoon. I was really pale and had migraines, mostly due to malnutrition.

“I was basically bedridden,” Xuan said.

Xuan thought of giving it all up. The school principal found out that Xuan would hurt herself and that she needed help.

“I went to see a psychiatrist and took a lot of medication. I took about four or five types of medication daily – two in the morning and two at night, every day,” Xuan said.

Although medication stabilised her emotions temporarily, Xuan knew these were not enough.

Xuan decided to talk to people about her depression.

“Everyone was supportive, including my teachers, friends and family,” she said.

Xuan added that people started to help as well and Xuan found joy.

“Some families may brush it off but don’t give up finding people that can listen to you,” said Xuan.

“I think everybody needs somebody to talk to. It can be anyone.”

Case 3: Words of wisdom from one who suffered for years

Jane (not her real name), 34, has been isolating herself so much that she has begun to question herself and her existence.

“My parents imposed high standards on me. Guilt tripping me has affected me,” she said after seeking a counsellor’s help.

“They are insensitive, making me very sensitive instead. I try to be emotionally independent, but the more I tried, the tougher it became.”

As time went by, Jane became emotionally unstable.

As a personal fitness trainer, Jane, started judging herself more often, still traumatised by her parents’ constant nagging.

“Although I am very connected with my friends online, it doesn’t fulfil my emotional needs when I can’t interact with them physically,” she said.

“I don’t need anyone’s verbal affection. I don’t need anyone. I judge myself too much.”

Because of the lack of affection from her family, Amy took solace in a partner so much that it led to a break-up.

“I saw a counsellor who told me I have anxiety, and a maladaptive behaviour,” she said.

Maladaptive behaviour refers to a type of behaviour that inhibits a person’s ability to adjust to certain situations.

Jane started “becoming someone else” in society to conceal her true self.

“I learnt to stop thinking too much, get your ego off, listen to your conscience on what is right and wrong,” said Jane.

“Give more to others but only to a certain extent.

“When your thoughts are negative, you assume everyone is out to get you. It’s not.”

Jane said having a forgiving heart and open-mindedness were essential.

Jane is now studying graphic design in Melbourne and has words of advice for those who is suffering from depression.

“Family support is important. That is the root cause of how we programme our mind. Many problems in society comes from it,” she said.

“Being sensitive can be bad, but it can also bring out empathy. Learn to be sensitive in a balance state.

“Immerse yourself in the things you always think of doing, and start taking actions.

“Read, exercise, express,” she said.

“Step by step” was her key word to go through her mental turmoil.

“You have to know your limits, what you can or can’t do.

“Love everyone as you would yourself. Your’ll be fulfilled in the process,” she said.