FATHERS Day is a time to celebrate the love, care and sacrifices that fathers make for their children and families. Many of us recognise how fortunate we are to have a father’s presence shaping our lives since childhood. Yet beyond the gifts and gratitude lies an often-overlooked dimen-sion of fatherhood and masculinity as a whole – the mental health challenges and emotional realities that men live with every day.
In many societies, men – particularly fathers – are expected to embody “strength” without showing emotions. Whether the result of social conditioning, limited emotional literacy, or a combination of both, this overlooks the fundamental reality that men experience emotions deeply. A lack of expression does not mean absence of emotions; instead, it often means that men face mental health challenges in silence and alone.
Foreign studies suggest that one in 10 men experiences depression or anxiety, but fewer than half of them receive treatment. Closer to home, Malaysian research indicates that as many as 12% of fathers experience depression, while 28% report anxiety during the postpartum period. The consequences of neglecting men’s mental health are disastrous, with statistics presented in Parlia-ment showing that approximately 80% of reported suicide cases between 2020 and 2025 involved men.
‘Men don’t cry’
The prevailing social expectation that “men don’t cry” reinforces a stigma around male emotional expression, as acknowledging and articulating feelings is widely perceived to be “unmanly” and weak. Many men consequently suppress their emotions, fearing judgement if they reveal their struggles or seek support for mental health. The challenge lies in the fact that bottling up emotions does not make them disappear; instead, they remain unaddressed, accumulate over time, and can resurface with adverse effects not only for men, but also for their children, spouse, family, as well as in the workplace and wider society.
The cost is high: pent-up emotions increase the risk of depression and anxiety, diminish coping capacity, and heighten irritability and anger in the face of life’s stressors. This can lead to poor communication, emotional distance, and conflictual relationships within families, alongside physical health impacts like high blood pressure, heart disease, and increased mortality risk. In some cases, livelihoods are affected due to reduced focus and concentration at work, while children experience intergenerational effects arising from neglect or abuse.
Re-thinking ‘male privilege’
Given the far-reaching consequences for society, we can no longer afford to ignore the largely unspoken mental health struggles of men. It is important to recognise that many men experience multiple stressors in life, amid deeply ingrained pressure to be “everything” at once – provider, partner, and father – while meeting constant expectations to perform and succeed as a source of stability for the family. Though greater gender equality within families is gradually reshaping traditional roles, prevalent societal expectations continue to place disproportionate pressure on men.
This means that men are not immune to emotions; paradoxically many of them are often more vulnerable to emotional stressors due to the social and cultural pressures embedded within traditional patriarchal roles. These expectations demand that men not only perform at all times, but also suppress their emotions and prioritise self-reliance over help-seeking while navigating fatherhood and the other responsibilities of life. This highlights an irony that the so-called “male privileges” rooted in patriarchal societies may, in reality, ultimately disadvantage men.
Building emotional resilience
To support men in addressing their mental health and emotional struggles, we need a multi-layered societal response involving individuals, families, communities, and mental health professionals. At its core, this requires a shift in mindset recognising that emotional expression does not in any way diminish masculinity or fatherhood; instead, it enables men to become better versions of themselves. Just like postpartum depression among women does not undermine motherhood, likewise, acknowledging men’s mental health needs does not take away the strength and value of fatherhood.
What can we do as a society?
At an individual level, men need to recognise and engage with their emotions through greater emotional literacy. This does not necessarily require dramatic changes or specialised interventions; rather, simple practices like regular emotional self-check-ins and honest conversations with trusted friends or partners can help in identifying, understanding, and articulating feelings for healthier coping.
The first step is to reframe emotions not as weaknesses, but as indications of unmet needs, while redefining courage as the willingness to seek support for mental health challenges.
We must recognise that change cannot rest solely on men, as broader social norms play a critical role in shaping human behaviour. For many men, years of social conditioning and patriarchal expectations may mean acknowledging emotions or seeking help conflicts with their deeply held concepts of masculinity. This is where the role of family, friends, and the wider community become essential.
A common question, often raised by women, is how to support men in their lives through emotional struggles?
The answer lies in careful observation and empathetic conversations. Noticing changes in behaviour like withdrawal, irritability, or fatigue can serve as a valuable segue into initiating supportive and sensitive conversations with men, parti-cularly being mindful about respecting autonomy and dignity without exacerbating any sense of inadequacy.
It is equally important to create safe and inclusive environments across society, including workplaces and communities, that enable men to express their emotions and embrace vulnerability without judgement.
This calls for challenging and reshaping narrow definitions of masculinity to encompass emotional resilience, self-awareness, and authenticity. In this way, society can play a critical role in normalising emotional expression instead of stigmatising it, while enhancing wellbeing, productivity ,and healthy relationships.
Last but not least, mental health professionals can play a vital role in supporting men develop emotional literacy and resilience. Malaysia has witnessed significant progress in raising mental health awareness since 2020’s Covid-19 pandemic. The next step is to build on this foundation by offering specialised mental health services for men and fathers that are accessible, affordable, and relevant.
Forging farther
On Fathers Day today, let us pause to recognise not only the contributions of many fathers but also their mental health and emotional needs in everyday life. We must work together as a society to help men and fathers break free from the social stigma and norms that compel them to suppress their emotions and suffer in silence. To experience emotions and feel deeply is inherently human, even more so in the role of a father.
Ultimately, such changes in mindset can help shape the next generation of men and fathers to be more emotionally resilient.
By acknowledging emotions and embracing vulnerability, generations of men can foster a culture where emotional expression is understood, supported and valued.
Happy Fathers Day!
Dr Arman I Rashid is a Kuala Lumpur-born, Melbourne-based mental health counsellor, researcher and trainer. He dedicates this article to his father, Dr Mohammad Abdur Rashid, a former clinical psychologist at University Hospital (now known as the University Malaya Medical Centre), who instilled in him the importance of emotional awareness and expression from a young age. The views expressed here are solely the writer’s own.
