He is known for designing beautiful clothes. His grand runway shows often stun and impress with elaborate setups. Yet, Datuk Sri Bernard Chandran on any given day – is just a dedicated father.
The 52-year-old is very much the doting dad. Married to Datin Sri Mary Lourdes, 56, who is a former model, he has five gorgeous children: Terimunite, 26; Trunan, 24; Tanzanite, 22; Tanestrran, 19, and Thanya, 18.
Bernard is proud of them all. His Instagram account is filled with snaps of him, together with his wife and kids. It is the hallmark of a father who just can’t get enough of his family and wants to show them off to the world.
Speaking to StarLifestyle, he says that fatherhood has absolutely changed him. And in his own words, it is “for the better”. He never looked back too. His first child, Terimunite, was born six years into his marriage.
“My wife and I had children only when we knew we were both ready to raise a family. Prior to that we were focused on our careers; I was just at the beginning of my life in fashion, and Mary, a professional model, ” he points out.
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According to Bernard, he tries very hard to be a modern dad. He prefers having an open channel of communication whereby his kids can freely come to him to talk about anything they want.
“I have my own parents as a reference, and they were both traditional and rather conservative. So, I was determined to parent differently. I ‘keep it real’ with my kids, and I expect them to be real with me, ” he relates.
“And because I want my kids to also be my ‘friend’, someone whom they can run to for anything in their lives, I have to be ‘chill’. Even though some of the things they say or do anger me, I accept that their opinion is valid.”
His is very much a democratic family. He does not impose his will on his children, and instead chooses a soft approach to parenting. He believes in “showing” rather than just “telling”.
“I’ve had to learn that you can only teach by example, you can only set rules for them that you too need to abide. We even have a ‘voting’ system when it comes to choosing our family holiday destinations, and everything that we own, is ‘ours’.”
Born in Petaling Jaya, Bernard is of Chindian parentage. In raising his children, he now sees himself as a guardian of tradition of sorts – someone who keeps the heritage alive for the next generation.
He explains: “My children practise the Hindu custom of seeking the blessing of elders by the ‘touching of feet’. It is how they greet my wife and me, daily.
“Even when in front of their friends, who would perhaps feel reluctant or shy to perform such traditions, it is second-nature to them. My kids have made this tradition ‘cool’, they perform it during ‘pooja’ ceremonies in temples, in public and at home.”
'The emotional connection you have is vital'
Bernard’s career has taken him to the world’s fashion capitals. He studied and worked in Paris. He once had a boutique in London’s prestigious retail district Knightsbridge. He has even been dubbed as Malaysia’s “King of Fashion”.
That said, he does not wear his ego on his sleeves. The reason is simply because he intends to set a good example as a father. He really wants his children to grow up to be kind and modest.
“The relationship with them has taught me that the emotional connection you have is vital, and being responsible for this emotional connection is a huge priority, ” he says about fatherhood.
“My relationship with them has also taught me not to judge. In a huge argument not too long ago, I chose to hug one of them, even though we both knew it was not my fault.
“But by hugging him, I wanted him to know that while it’s ok to snap, one needs to learn the lesson of ‘giving face’. So, when he’s out in the world as an adult, he will be able to apply this lesson to another situation.”
Read more: Fashion designers Bernard Chandran, Rizalman Ibrahim and Melinda Looi talk about living and designing in Malaysia
Bernard says he supports his kids no matter what they choose to do career-wise in the future. He thinks it is their own journey to embark on, and their own mistakes to make.
“I want them to enjoy what they pursue and be creative in their respective fields of business, science, liberal arts or humanities, ” he adds, about giving his children the freedom to choose.
“I tell them that everything is possible. When your intention is right and pure, you will attain everything you desire. You need to be consistent in all that you do in your life. You need to be your own inspiration. I am my own inspiration.”
But of course fashion plays a big part in the Chandran family. Bernard reveals that their family nights have dress-up themes. This is a reflection of how flamboyant he is all the time, being a designer.
And like all fathers (or parents, for that matter), he, of course, does not have a favourite child.
“I have a different relationship with each of them because they are all different individuals, ” he says candidly.
Read more: Bernard Chandran is now designing for men
“One is more sociable than the other, one very chill, and another, an intellectual. There’s one who constantly breaks boundaries and another, a mirror of me... and that annoys me sometimes!”
Yet, fatherhood is something Bernard cherishes. It is a responsibility that he holds dear to his heart. One that he absolutely prioritises.
“It is a full-time job, with no annual leave or a retirement in sight. So one must be ready to be a father because from the time of birth till they are about 10 years of age, you are their superhero. And if you are a good father, you’ll be their hero for a lifetime.”
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