If you feel lost or overwhelmed now that your children have fled the nest, you are far from alone.
Many parents experience empty nest syndrome at this time of the year.
"Empty nest syndrome isn’t a mental health condition, but is a set of feelings or symptoms that parents might feel when all their children have left home,” explains Dr Elizabeth Wakeland, consultant, clinical and forensic psychologist at Cygnet Health Care.
"It’s a period of significant life change where parents are trying to figure out who they are and what their life looks like now that their children are no longer in the home.”
Here are five subtle signs of empty nest syndrome to look out for and some advice about how to navigate this transitional period:
> Sense of grief
"Some parents might experience emotions around grief, loss and sadness,” says Wakeland. "Although their children haven’t passed away, there’s still a loss of presence and a change in relationship.”
> Anxiety
"There might also be some feelings of anxiety,” says Wakeland. "Children living outside of the home might increase your anxiety because they are no longer with you all the time and you might be worried about their safety.”
That anxiety might manifest itself in constant communication.
"This anxiety might present in behaviours that are directly related, such as calling or sending messages constantly to check in on your children,” says the psychologist. "This is when our involvement, or what people sometimes refer to as ‘helicopter parenting’, might come into play.”
> Mood changes
"As well as these low feelings and a sense of emptiness, there might also be some positive feelings. For example, you might have some excitement about your child moving on and progressing, or some pride in what they are going on to do,” says Wakeland.
"So, it might feel a bit up and down for a while, and a mixture of positive and negative emotions might play out.”
This can trigger guilt, with Wakeland adding: "A parent might feel guilt around how they should or shouldn’t feel, or what they should or shouldn’t be doing now that their children have moved out.”
> Identity crisis
"When you become a parent you have to adapt and mould yourself and your life around your children. Children take up a lot of time and energy and thinking, and it becomes a big part of your identity. Therefore, many parents experience a bit of an identity crisis when their children leave home,” says Wakeland.
"It can provoke questions such as, who am I? What should I do with my time now? It’s a big shift.”
> Loneliness
"It’s wonderful to see children moving on and progressing, but it can make parents feel left behind or feel like they are not part their child’s new world. As their child steps into their new social life and immerses themselves into university life, parents are forced to take a back seat,” reflects Wakeland.
A bigger challenge
This can be particularly challenging for single parents.
"If you are going through this alone as a single parent, those feelings of loneliness and loss can feel even more heightened because now it’s just you left in the house,” says the psychologist.
If you are struggling to navigate this transition, here are some tips that could help:
> Be kind to yourself
"It’s really normal to feel like this and it’s OK to feel happy and sad at the prospect of your children moving on,” says Wakeland.
"The emotions will change and fluctuate, so don’t be too hard on yourself about it. Just allow yourself to feel those emotions and try to be kind and compassionate towards yourself and accept that this is a difficult time.”
> Pursue new or revisit old interests
"Think about what you want your identity to look like now,” recommends Wakeland. "For example, are there things that you sacrificed before that you could perhaps do now? Is there something that you have always wanted to do but have never had the time or opportunity to look into?
"Think about how you want to spend this extra time and if there are any hobbies or interests that you could now pursue.”
> Establish some healthy routines
"It’s important to prioritise looking after yourself,” says Wakeland. "Think about some healthy routines and habits that you could get into now that you have more time.”
> Stay social
"The home can feel quite quiet when children move out, so it’s really important to maintain connection with people outside of the home,” says Wakeland.
"It can be a great opportunity to rekindle old friendships, so reach out to people.”
> Establish some ground rules and boundaries around communication
"Be open with your child about how this is affecting you and about the feelings you’ve got about this transition,” advises the psychologist.
"Talk to them about how you can both stay connected and communicate, and try to find something that’s mutually agreeable for both parties.”
> Seek professional help if feelings persist
"Although empty nest syndrome is a very common and typical experience, if something becomes persistent for several weeks – such as a persistent low mood or anxiety that becomes overwhelming and unmanageable – that’s a sign to consider looking into professional help,” advises Wakeland.
"Additionally, if it starts impacting other areas of your life or if you start going out of your way to avoid social contact, then don’t be afraid to seek professional help.” – PA Media/dpa
