Money can be a tricky conversation for any couple, but where economic abuse is at play, it can even be life-threatening.
According to the charity Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA), one in six women in Britain has experienced economic abuse by a current or former partner, and in 95% of cases of domestic abuse, it’s involved.
While the British figures are stark, they reflect a global crisis. In Canada, Women’s Shelters Canada report mirrors the 95% correlation found in Britain, while United States data suggests the intersection may be even higher.
“Economic abuse is when a partner or ex-partner controls your money, but also your economic resources, so that can be your housing, whether you can access transport, a mobile phone, all the way down to basic essentials like food and clothing,” explains Sara D’Arcy, head of external affairs at SEA.
“Abusers are using this tactic every day of the year,” says D’Arcy. “It is all about taking control and creating financial instability that eventually makes you feel trapped and like you can’t take steps to leave.”
She notes “there’s definite tactics deployed at certain times of the year”.
“Abusers use child maintenance to control and cause harm at particular times of year, because they know it is going to have an emotional and financial impact,” she explains. “It’s going to mean the survivor can’t take the kids to the seaside during school holidays, or they’re not going to be able to afford to buy a birthday cake.”
The cost of living crisis is used as another “excuse” for abusers “to control their partner and how they spend money or access resources”. Women’s Aid found 75% of survivors living with an abuser said it had prevented them from leaving or made it harder to do so.
Meanwhile, one in eight women with a joint mortgage is experiencing joint mortgage economic abuse. “This can include the abuser refusing to pay their agreed share of the mortgage, refusing to consent to a better interest rate, and also preventing them from accessing mortgage support,” says D’Arcy.
“When interest rates rise, we expect to see survivors struggle even more with meeting their joint mortgage costs.”
Economic abuse is incredibly insidious. “Economic abuse makes it harder for survivors to flee to safety because they might have lost their home, be destitute, not be able to afford new locks, or a train to safety or a new roof over their head, and that creates a really unsafe situation. We also know that financial loss causes the perpetrator to escalate other forms of violence.”
It often doesn’t end if a survivor has left either, “because unlike other forms of domestic abuse, it doesn’t necessitate being physically close to someone.”
Signs to spot
D’Arcy outlines some of the key red flags of economic abuse to watch out for:
In your own relationship:
“Especially at the start of a relationship, abusers will use emotional abuse and manipulation to start to take control. e.g. ‘I’ll take care of all the bills and look after the joint accounts, you don’t have to worry about money’.”
“An abuser might try to force the survivor to take out a loan or say things like, ‘If you really loved me, you’d lend me this money’.”
“[They] may discourage you from going for a promotion because they want you to spend time with them.”
“It could be saying, ‘I don’t like it when you wear that type of clothing, you should wear this type of clothing instead’.”
“They may refuse to contribute to shared household bills.”
“It’s about exploiting your economic resources too, so you’re having to buy new things because they’re smashing your phone all the time, for instance.”
“You notice changes to your behaviour. You’re scared to say no to your partner, you can’t have open conversations about money, you start to feel anxious about doing things you normally would have done, and find yourself being isolated.”
“Later down the line, you may realise you don’t have access to the bank account your wages are paid into. Bills are turning up at the door, and while you thought your partner was taking care of it all, you’re suddenly in lots of debt.”
Signs in a loved one’s relationship:
“The survivor might not be saying, ‘I’m a victim of domestic abuse’. It’s often subtle signs, like changes in their behaviour.”
“They might be not taking part in regular things, like going out for lunch with you.”
“They might be more worried about money and really keeping tabs on what they’re spending, or saying, ‘My partner doesn’t want me to spend money on that, so I can’t do that’.”
“You might notice them not taking care of themselves, for example, if they’re worried about getting their nails done if they’d done that previously.”
“Look out for loved ones becoming isolated.”
Seeking help
Worried about a loved one? “It’s really important to not judge. Express concern, ask them open questions and allow them to share what they feel comfortable with,” advises D'Arcy.
“Let them know you are there whatever it is they’re going through, they’re not alone, and really be there to support them when they’re ready to reach out for help," she says.
“It’s about creating space and for them to take action in their own time,” she continues. “They’ll be thinking, ‘What is safe for me right now?’ and be having to manage their safety.” – dpa
