Be supportive, not pushy: How parents can play a positive role for competitions


  • Family
  • Friday, 27 Dec 2024

The decision to put children in competitive sporting events isn’t without its complexities. — Photo: Ironman Malaysia

COMPETITIVE sports like Ironkids have become a popular avenue for parents to expose their children to physical and mental challenges.

However, the decision to put children in such gruelling competitive events isn’t without its complexities and pitfalls.

Clinical psychologist Dr Pamilia Lourdunathan says parents have to understand that there are psychological, social and emotional aspects of participation that have both benefits and potential drawbacks to their children.

“First and foremost, they have to set the focus of the participation on children’s growth, development and enjoyment, and not on winning,” she adds.

She says the competitive nature of such events can induce stress, anxiety and even burnout, especially when the young athletes feel that they are under pressure to perform or to win.

Pamilia says parents should keep an eye for signs of distress and allow children to set their own goals. — Dr PAMILIA LOURDUNATHANPamilia says parents should keep an eye for signs of distress and allow children to set their own goals. — Dr PAMILIA LOURDUNATHAN

“A focus on winning may make children fear failure which will impact their confidence and make them less likely to take risks or try new things outside of sports,” says Pamilia, who is also a lecturer at the International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM).

According to Pamilia, there are two types of parents, vicarious parents and supportive parents, and this has long-term psychological effects on children.

Vicarious parents are those who see their child’s achievements as a direct reflection of their own success but often fail to recognise that they are projecting their own desires and aspirations onto their child.

“This dynamic can unintentionally place pressure on the child to meet expectations that may not align with their own interests and goals,” Pamilia explains.

'The joy of training and taking part in events should override winning', says Pamilia.'The joy of training and taking part in events should override winning', says Pamilia.

More support

In order to prevent the development of negative mental health consequences, Pamilia advises fathers and mothers to take on the role of supportive parents, who provide emotional encouragement, help their children set realistic goals and emphasise personal growth.

“Keep an eye out for signs of distress and allow your children to set their own goals. Support their goals and provide emotional help,” she suggests. “This will help reduce pressure.”

But pressure is inevitable, especially in high-level events like Ironkids. So Pamilia advises parents to remain positive by emphasising on effort and personal progress and practising open communication.

“While letting the children voice out their concerns, open communication keeps pressure constructive and avoids potential emotional strain,” she explains.

Pamilia points to studies that highlight how sports provide opportunities for children to build friendships and develop social skills, fostering a sense of belonging and teamwork.

“Still, extensive training schedule can reduce time for unstructured play which potentially limits peer interactions outside of sport,” she says, noting the importance of striking a balance.

Pamilia says a healthy balance is achieved by setting realistic goals, ensuring time for rest and play, fostering other interests and celebrating small wins.

“What matters is how we grow from each experience and embrace each progress rather than letting a single result define our worth. Competitions are opportunities for learning, not final judgements on our abilities,” she concludes.

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