Fathers who stood watch from afar

Noh (seated backrow, third from right) with his wife, granchildren, children and their spouses.

PETALING JAYA: For many fathers, cherished memories are measured in birthdays celebrated, school concerts attended and family holidays shared.

But for generations of Royal Malaysian Navy (TLDM) officers, fatherhood was often defined by the moments they missed.

The medals on their uniforms tell only part of the story. The rest is written in missed births, ­interrupted festive celebrations and children who grew up waiting for their fathers to return from sea.

This Fathers Day, three retired officers reflect not on the medals they earned or the ranks they attained, but on the family moments they sacrificed in answering the nation’s call.

Kapt (Rtd) Martin A. Sebastian, 63, served for 33 years before retiring in 2014, but years spent commanding frigates at sea took a heavy toll on his family life.

Married to a flight attendant, the couple often found ­themselves heading in opposite directions, with him deployed at sea while she was away on flights, leaving their four children in the care of their grandparents.

The strain eventually contribu­ted to the end of their 20-year marriage.

All together: Noh (seated back row, third from right) with his wife, children, their spouses and grandkids. (Left) Tay (second from right) with his wife and their three children.

“There were times I was away for up to a month.

“When I returned, it can be difficult to reconnect with my children,” said Martin, who remarried in 2016.

Today, he maintains close ties with his children, all of whom are either pursuing or have comple­ted tertiary education.

Despite the setbacks, Martin said he remained committed to his children and is proud of his years in uniform.

“I never forgot my responsibility towards my children. I am proud to have served my country but in the end, family should come first,” he added.

For Laksamana Pertama (Rtd) Dr Tay Yap Leong, 61, a specialist diver who retired last year after 40 years in the navy, much of his early career was spent on special mission deployments and overseas assignments.

“Divers were on call 24/7 even when on leave,” he said.

He recalled one Chinese New Year when he had just arrived at his parents’ home in Kuantan, Pahang, he received a call to return to duty.

“My family and I had just ­carried our luggage into the house and I had to leave for my base in Lumut again,” he said.

Rather than reflecting on his own sacrifices this Fathers Day, Tay paid tribute to his wife.

“She sacrificed so much while I was away.

“I may have been the provider but she was both mother and father to our children and stood by us despite having to manage the household single-­handedly.”

For Kapt (Rtd) Noh Abdul, 77, missing the births of three of his four sons during his 33 years of service remains among the most difficult sacrifices he made.

“Of course I was sad not to be by my wife’s side when she needed me the most but I had to stay true to the TLDM’s motto, Sedia Berkorban (Ready for Sacrifice),” he said.

Noh, who retired in 2005, said he made up for lost time with his wife and children whenever he returned home after deployments that sometimes kept him away for as long as three months.

He also credited his wife with holding the family together in his absence.

All three veterans said that despite the challenges they faced throughout their service, they had no regrets.

They described it as a noble calling that allowed them to serve the nation while opening doors to experiences and places around the world they might otherwise never have seen.