Dedicated men navigate unique household hurdles for sake of their children’s future
Fathers are traditionally seen as main breadwinners who primarily focus on providing for their families.
However, life often rewrites the script and a growing number of men find themselves stepping up to take on the deeply nurturing, solitary role of single parents.
As no father is given a manual on how to raise children, some find their own way by keeping their young ones at the heart of everything they do.
For these men, the goal is simple – tune out unsolicited public comments, equip themselves with knowledge through support systems such as religious communities and books, and focus on raising their children to the best of their ability.
In conjunction with Fathers Day, StarMetro spoke to three single fathers in the Klang Valley about what it truly took to raise a family on their own.
Looked and learned
Two decades of journalistic experience have come in handy for a single father raising his young daughter alone in Kajang, Selangor.
Dr G. Manimaran, 59, became a widower in 2022 when his wife Devaki Karumban passed away due to medical complications.
Their daughter Srinisha was just seven at the time.
Since his wife’s passing, he has dedicated a great deal of time to the girl’s growth and well-being.
“I read, researched, discussed with peers and observed like a journalist when it came to parenting,” he said.
To be sure he could be there for her, Manimaran opted for a less hectic career path.
He is now an adjunct professor at UCSI University, where he teaches media and journalism studies. He is also a media consultant.
“When I was in mainstream journalism, I worked up to 15 hours a day.
“Now, I return home straight after work to spend quality time with my daughter and focus on her,” said Manimaran, who
started his career as a cadet journalist with Utusan Malaysia in 1991, eventually rising to the rank of editor.
He describes himself as a strict father when it comes to discipline and ensures that the now 11-year-old Srinisha spends her time seeking knowledge and learning new skills.
To help her cope with the grief of losing her mother, Manimaran enrolled her in numerous extracurricular activities, ranging from sports to arts and crafts.
“My weekends are usually packed with driving her to activities such as taekwondo, piano, sangeetham (Indian classical music), badminton, vocal lessons, swimming and ballet.
“These are all her choices and I want her to develop a broader outlook on life.
“Sometimes she places her drawings beneath her mother’s altar,” he said, adding that his daughter had also encouraged him to help the elderly.
Manimaran said Srinisha believed that no one was certain of their lifespan.
“This may be a reflection of her own mother’s death.”
He feels that navigating a wide generational gap comes with unique challenges.
“She loves fast food, which I ensure she takes in moderation, and she also has homework online, which brings up digital safety issues.
“These are some of the challenges I have to work through with her,” he added.
While Manimaran relies on an after-school caretaker to prepare Srinisha’s meals, he is entirely hands-on with all other parenting matters.
He also strongly believes that all parents should plan for their children’s future and have a will prepared.
“The joy of parenting is when she comes running to me, calling me appa,” he said.
Globetrotting dad
For Australian expatriate Daniel Havas, 54, focusing on his two sons and his career became his sole priority after his marriage ended about a decade ago.
Daniel, who has called Malaysia home for the past 10 years, made a conscious choice to remain single.
“I decided after my divorce that I would not get into another relationship.
“I wanted to give my full attention to raising my sons,” said Daniel, who moved from Peru to Kuala Lumpur when his children were aged 11 and 13.
“I enrolled them in an international school and my sons decided they wanted to remain in Malaysia.”
Daniel arrived in the country as Australia’s senior trade commissioner to Malaysia and Brunei.
When that posting ended, he joined Lynas Rare Earths as vice-president of strategy, investor and government relations, taking on a global role based in Kuala Lumpur.
Daniel said he wanted his children to excel in their education while finding their own career paths.
“I approached parenting my own way – taking a more relaxed approach.
“We all learned together and I played the role of both mother and father.
“I had a helper to manage the housekeeping, but I was their primary caretaker while holding a very high-profile job.”
Daniel enjoys cooking, a skill he had developed from a young age, and regularly cooks for his sons on weekends.
“Since my sons were young, we practised not having any devices at the dining table so that we could enjoy quality family time.
“Now they are in their early 20s and have maintained this practice.”
The tightly knit trio love travelling and have been on holiday to 28 countries.
“My advice to other single fathers would be to spend a lot of time with their children.
“You will reap the benefits later,” said Daniel, who was always a popular father at his sons’ school while they were students.
He said some of his children’s friends would often ask if they could become his “third” child because of his involvement in their upbringing.
However, Daniel faced some criticism from his peers for choosing to raise his sons away from their home country.
He has no regrets about his choices, as his children still share a strong bond with him.
He is proud of the achievements of his sons – Sebastian, now 23, who works in the marine field, and Luka, 21, who is in aviation.
“My biggest achievement in life is raising my two sons.
“Single parenting has brought us closer together,” said Daniel.
Luka said his father’s unwavering commitment to helping him and his brother succeed had been invaluable over the past decade.
Sebastian said his dad has always been there for both him and his brother no matter the time or circumstance.
Faith keeps family together
With renewed faith and the support of church leaders, insurance agent Tan Shun Peng, 53, has managed to remain present in the lives of his two daughters for the past 15 years following his divorce.
Shun Peng admitted that it took some time to rediscover himself, with the aid of his church, but this helped him successfully co-parent with his former wife.
In the early days following the divorce, he was overwhelmed by concerns about his daughters’ education and future tertiary studies.
“A church pastor helped me through those difficult days.
“My daughters would come and stay with me on weekends,” he added.
Before the divorce, Shun Peng said the family used to visit the night market every Wednesday.
“My daughters asked if we could continue that tradition, and I agreed,” said Shun Peng, who said he had no role model to guide him as a single parent.
He admitted making a mistake by entering a new relationship too soon after his divorce, which strained his relationship with his daughters.
“I promised my daughters that I would not enter into another relationship until they had completed their studies,” he said.
Stating that his daughters’ well-being was of utmost importance, Shun Peng added:
“I never wanted my daughters to choose between me and their mother.
“They love us both equally and that is important.”
Shun Peng and his daughters enjoy movie nights at home in Shah Alam, Selangor.
“We enjoy cooking shows such as Culinary Class Wars, and each week, we try to guess who will be eliminated.
“As for movies, we are Star Wars fans,” said Shun Peng.
Being labelled a “single dad” initially made him feel like a second-class citizen.
“I used to wonder whether people would take my words seriously when I took on roles related to marriage counselling at church.
“However, I overcame those feelings quickly after being exposed to people who had achieved greater things despite facing significant struggles in life,” he said.
Shun Peng said his father, who was an ardent Sin Chew Daily reader, gathered newspaper articles about parenting and co-parenting, tied them together with a rubber band and handed them to him.
That was in 2011, shortly after his divorce.
One article discussed how divorced couples could still be effective parents.
Shun Peng said it was his father’s way of encouraging him and supporting his decisions.
Shun Peng’s second daughter, Chermaine, 23, said one of her most memorable experiences was when her father brought a bouquet of flowers to her school when she was 10 years old.
“He said he wanted to be the first man to give me flowers for my birthday.
“My dad never pressured us about our studies, although we performed reasonably well.
“The term ‘broken family’ is not how we would describe our family,” said Chermaine.
Meanwhile, elder daughter Cheryl, 26, said her father was the most reliable person she knew.
“My friends even said they would call my dad if they were stranded on an island, because he would do everything possible to find them,” said Cheryl.
Chermaine holds a Master of Arts in Visual Communication and Media Studies and Cheryl holds a Bachelor’s in Communication.
Both decided on their education paths after seeking advice from their father.
