No healing from an abusive relationship despite apologies

PETALING JAYA: “He has apologised, but the scars are just too deep,” says a woman, who finally broke the silence on her cousin who abused his parents.

The 25-year-old woman, who wished to remain anonymous, said her cousin, who is now in his 40s, was known for his erratic behaviours.

He often emotionally abuses those close to him, especially his parents, and his aggression is aggravated whenever he was under the influence of alcohol.

“I remember seeing him flip and curse his parents for reprimanding him when we were still quite young. The words uttered were really strong and hurtful.

“The most worrying part is that he would speed off in his car; he drove really fast.

“I would say, seeing the way he behaved was very traumatising, and it left a huge scar on me,” she said.

Her cousin was also not shy about revealing his true colours in public, she added.

“There was this one time we were at a church for a family function.

“My parents, his uncle and aunt, asked him to help with something, but all of a sudden he burst out in anger.

“He took whatever he could grab and threw it all over the place.

“We were humiliated and terrified at the same time,” she said.

Besides his family members, the man would also demonstrate intimidating behaviour to outsiders.

“There were times when people reacted negatively towards his behaviour, and normally the first thing he would say was ‘I will whack you’, followed by all those thuggish phrases, and threatened to pick a fight with them,” she said.

The woman believed that her cousin’s abusive behaviours were the result of mixing with some of the bad apples.

“When he was younger, he hung out with those involved in immoral activities such as gangsterism. They frequently used vulgar language.

“At some point, it changed him,” she said, adding that her cousin used to be a nice and helpful person.

The woman said that no one told off her cousin because they were afraid of what would happen.

“We didn’t report or confront him for his behaviour because he was just too unpredictable.

“But recently, he has changed; he made amends with his parents and mine, but what I can say is that the damage has been done.

“Each time we think about him, we will think about what he did; he left us with a deep mark,” he said.