Happily ever after for some, regret for others

HE noticed her around the office, but was only introduced to her at a company sports event.

That day, sparks flew between the two colleagues from different departments.

Today, they are a happily married couple of 11 years and counting.

An accounts executive who wishes to be known only as John, in his 40s, still works in the same company as his wife from the communications division.

“Provided that it isn’t an affair, I don’t think dating a colleague should be an issue.

“Everyone just has to stick to being professional at work,” he says.

While their company is silent on workplace romance, both John and his wife knew how to draw the line between their personal and professional lives.

For example, this means ensuring that everyone remains productive at work, not abusing lunch hours to go on long dates or showing public displays of affection at the workplace.

John also doesn’t have a problem if bosses were to date employees as long as they are always fair to other workers.

On the argument that bosses may be biased towards their partner at work, he says the onus is on the superior to ensure he or she does not cross the line.

“If it goes overboard, I may have an issue with it.

“But I won’t object to such relationships if the superior remains fair to all.

“If a superior wants to promote their partner at work, they must do it objectively, and support their decision based on merit and facts - as with any promotion with other workers,” he points out.

As it is now, some bosses have their own favourites and special treatment is given to such workers even though it isn’t justified.

So there’s nothing to stop employers from being biased even though there is no romantic relationship, he says.

“At the end of the day, we are all human.

“If we fall in love with our co-worker, it is because we are human beings.

“But at the workplace, we must remember act appropriately at all times,” John says.

However, there are some people who swear off dating co-workers.

A copywriter who wants to be known only as Lily, 30, says she regrets dating a colleague - another copywriter at an advertising firm a few years ago.

“It was a mistake I don’t ever want to repeat.

“There was a lot of unnecessary drama and other colleagues would talk about our relationship behind our back,” she adds.

While they broke up amicably, Lily says it still felt uncomfortable seeing her ex-boyfriend on a regular basis.

“Try as I may, there is always an awkward feeling whenever we are in the same room or if I have to talk to him about work,” she says, adding that he soon left for another job elsewhere.

Lily says while her company’s policy did not clearly forbid such relationships, she prefers to avoid anything similar in future.

Anthonius Ng, 29, a management consultant, says he prefers not to get involved with colleagues.

“But it’s a tricky thing. I may make exceptions if I feel really strongly about someone.

“It’s really tough because both parties need to be very clear that work is work.

“This means neither can get angry with the other if special treatment isn’t given in the office,” he says.

Ng suggests that companies should cover the do’s and don’ts about workplace romance in induction programmes for newly hired staff.

“My previous company made it compulsory to declare romantic relationships among colleagues.

“This is to enable the company to avoid assigning the couple to the same project,” he explains.

Failure to do so may result in disciplinary action, but Ng’s former colleagues had no problems complying with the rules.

If a worker is promoted to the top decision making post as company director, either one of them has to resign to avoid any conflict of interest and unfairness.

“The company will also prevent the higher ranking employee to assess their romantic partner’s work performance. Somebody else will take over as the supervisor,” he says.

In his current company, Ng says there has yet to be any policy on office romance.

HELP University Department of Psychology head Elaine Fernandez says there are mixed findings from research on workplace romance.

“If the relationship is between a superior and a subordinate, there are clear power concerns, and the potential for implicit sexual coercion to take place,” she says.

In peer to peer romances, the research is somewhat more optimistic.

“Studies on Asian participants like in Pakistan and China show that workplace romances enhance job performance, through increasing the partners’ commitment to the organisation.

“It is also argued that due to their awareness of the controversy surrounding their relationship, the partners tend to work harder to counteract any perceptions that their work is being affected by their relationship,” Fernandez explains.

The downside to workplace romances appear to be related more to the aftermath of a conflict in a relationship or if the couple separates.

“These outcomes tend to include higher likelihood of turnover among the partners, decreased productivity, and increased interpersonal tensions with co-workers,” she says.