While having breakfast at a restaurant, I witnessed a deeply unsettling scene. A mother sat with her three children, yet instead of laughter, conversation or the occasional sibling squabble that one would expect, there was complete silence.
Each child had a smartphone. The mother had one too. Throughout the entire meal, no one spoke. They were together physically but worlds apart emotionally.
Every week, I have the privilege of spending time with my two grandchildren, aged eight and 11. The moment they sit down with me, the competition begins. For the next half hour, they interrupt one another, eager to share stories about a teacher who made the class laugh, a disagreement with a friend, or the praise they received for helping a teacher.
To some, these little interruptions and sibling squabbles may seem annoying. To me, a teacher with more than three decades in education, they are priceless.
These sessions tell me that my grandchildren are observing the world around them. They are thinking, reflecting, remembering and, most importantly, learning to communicate.
They are also learning to listen, negotiate, take turns, defend their opinions respectfully and understand another person’s perspective. These are life skills that no app, game or social media platform can teach.
Many education systems are rethinking the overuse of digital devices in children’s learning, with countries like Sweden, Finland, Norway, France, Italy and Denmark returning to printed books and handwriting amid concerns over declining reading abilities and excessive screen time.
Unfortunately, many parents seem to be moving in the opposite direction. Need your child to stop crying? Give them a phone. Need them to sit quietly in a restaurant? Turn on YouTube. It solves an immediate problem for the parent but creates a bigger problem for the child.
In school, teachers witness the consequences. Students are reading less than ever before. Many students struggle to concentrate for more than a few minutes.
They become restless when lessons do not provide constant stimulation. Increasingly, they find it difficult to communicate their thoughts clearly, both orally and in writing.
Reading demands patience. Conversation teaches empathy. Writing strengthens memory and cognitive development. Family discussions build vocabulary, confidence and emotional intelligence. None of these can be replaced by endless scrolling.
Technology itself is not the enemy. The problem begins when powerful educational tools like smartphones and tablets are used to replace parenting instead of supporting it. Children do not simply need entertainment; they need engagement.
They need parents who ask them about their day, tell stories, read with them, and allow them to be bored occasionally, because boredom often sparks imagination and creativity.
A family meal should be one of the few moments in the day when everyone disconnects from their devices and reconnects with one another. It is an opportunity to share stories, laugh, tease one another, debate ideas and simply enjoy each other’s company.
Many parents become frustrated when siblings argue over trivial matters. Yet these little squabbles are not signs of poor parenting; they are valuable life lessons in disguise. Through disagreements, children learn to negotiate, compromise, apologise, forgive and understand another person’s point of view. They discover that relationships are not built by avoiding conflict but by working through it together.
As parents, we often worry about giving our children the best education, the best tuition and the best opportunities. Yet perhaps the greatest gift we can offer costs nothing at all: our attention. Put away the phone. Pick up a book. Start a conversation.
If we want children to develop healthy habits, we must first model them ourselves. Parents often say they want the very best for their children. The irony is that many are sacrificing the one thing children need most – human connection – for the one thing that is most convenient: a screen.
One day, our children will inherit a world filled with artificial intelligence. What will distinguish them will not be how fast they can swipe a screen, but how well they can think, communicate, empathise and build meaningful relationships. The best babysitter has never been a smartphone. It has always been a parent who is willing to be present.
TAN PEI NEE
Ipoh
