Weng Sam: If you notice that you are being love bombed, set boundaries in the relationship.
HUMANS are complex creatures so it is hardly surprising that our interactions and relationships sometimes take a wrong turn.
But why is it that some of us feel totally blindsided when our relationships head south? Knowing how to handle these five types of emotional manipulation will help us to not only optimise our mental health in the long run, but also foster our relationships with one another.
Gaslighting
1 You are certain that the incident occurred but the person to whom you are addressing it keeps making you question your sanity, memory, or perception of reality. “Are you sure that really happened?” and “You must be mistaken, I don’t remember that incident at all!” – these are just some of the common things a gaslighter would say.
The victims may feel hopeless and doubtful about their own memories or realities, thus leading them to never standing up to their bullies.
Instead of turning to the person who is directly involved in the issue, look for a trusted witness. Ask the witness to write down on a piece of paper what really happened and use that as proof to gain the support you’ll need to stand up to the abuser.
Having solid proof is the best way to confront the gaslighter. Never let the gaslighter’s denials or manipulation tactics affect your sense of self-worth. It is also recommended to keep a journal or a diary if you start doubting yourself.
Ghosting
2 Ghosting is a form of emotional abuse that happens when someone abruptly stops all communication with another person without any explanation or warning.
The ghoster may give you the cold shoulder or simply stop replying to your messages like he or she used to. The ghostee may feel confused, abandoned, and sad when this occurs.
Taking your mind off the ghoster by reconnecting with your loved ones, doing the things you love, and even taking some time to heal and move on are some recommended tips. Prevent yourself from reconnecting with the person again, even if he or she returns, because this kind of behaviour is bound to present itself again. There are many healthier relationships that are worth your attention.
Guilt-tripping
3 “I have done so much for you, so you should do this for me!” Sounds familiar? Watch out, it could be that that person is guilt-tripping you! Guilt-tripping is a form of emotional manipulation in which a person makes the victim feel guilty for an action or inaction, in order to achieve one’s goals.
Be sure to calm down and think thoroughly about whether the person is actually trying to offer you help, or wants you to do his or her bidding. Sometimes, rejecting more than what you can chew benefits your mental health and enables you to maintain a healthy social circle around you.
Love bombing
4 Who does not enjoy being spoiled every once in a while? But what happens when someone’s gestures go over the top, and start overwhelming you? That might be a case of love bombing.
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic in which the abuser showers his or her target with affection, compliments and gifts in order to gain the target’s trust.
If you notice you are being love bombed, set boundaries in the relationship. Since love bombing usually starts in the early stages of a relationship, asserting yourself and ensuring that you are comfortable throughout the process is crucial in keeping the excessive behaviour at bay.
It is also important to maintain connections with friends and family, as abusers often try to isolate their victims.
Blaming
5 It is common for some people to point fingers at others when a problem arises, but never once consider their own faults. They have no qualms about coming up with all kinds of reasons to put the blame on others, and might even go to the extent of convincing others to do the same as well, thus boycotting the target.
It is not good team spirit when one is thrown under the bus. Reflect on what needs to be improved and correct them. If you are aware of being blamed for something that is not your fault, avoid getting defensive or reactive; instead, explain yourself calmly. It will prevent the situation from being more difficult to resolve than necessary.
Weng Sam, 20, a student in Pahang, is a participant of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme run by The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team. To join Star-NiE’s online youth community, go to facebook.com/niebrats.