Nittila: Set boundaries with your friends when needed, and remember that saying no to social events does not make you a loser.
“MAN is a social animal,” Aristotle, a Greek philosopher, once said.
When you read that phrase, you might think, “Oh, I have to be an extrovert, so I don’t end up lonely or unhappy, especially with studies linking socialising to better mental health.”
Well, at least that was what came to my mind.
I spent my primary school days alone in my own little world, lost in books as the quiet kid in the corner. Teachers often couldn’t hear me, so I had to repeat myself several times or be asked to speak louder.
I also had no friends whom I could confidently say I was close to. At that time, it seemed bad to be the quiet one, as people felt reluctant to be in a group with me.
Too often, an introvert’s reflections are brushed aside, keeping others from tapping into their personality.
Then, everything changed when I finally made a friend who accepted me as I was. It felt like unlocking a new character in a video game.
I began making small efforts to make friends. For a first timer, I was wacky. I often ran out of topics to talk about, so the conversation often ended up dry. But I also found new friends I could talk to sometimes.
As the years went by, I had friends with whom I would have long conversations at night or go on long walks just talking.
I would turn out to be mysteriously chatty. But my need for solitude eventually returned.
I enjoy being alone with my thoughts, having debates with myself, and listening to my carefully curated songs.
Singing along to popular music with friends during a car ride is fun, but listening to my favourite songs without the fear of being judged is even better.
It does get awkward when your “social battery” drains in the middle of a hangout. The urge to leave the room becomes almost unbearable.
I think sometimes people mistake it as a sign that I hate hanging out with them. But in truth, I enjoy their company; I just need space.
Navigating a world that often favours sociable individuals can feel demotivating. However, what truly matters is how you personally address the challenge.
I enjoy making friends, but I also prefer doing things on my own, as it gives me greater satisfaction.
If you’re like me, set boundaries with your friends when needed, and remember that saying no to social events does not make you a loser.
Oh, and there’s no such thing as a purely loud or quiet one. We all fall somewhere on the spectrum that defines introversion and extraversion, according to Carl Jung, a Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist.
If you view it from the other side of the door, socialising doesn’t always have to involve attending lots of parties or filling your calendar with plans. It can also mean something as simple as greeting your teacher or having just one friend to talk to.
Connection isn’t about how loud you are, but how real you are.
Nittila, 19, a student in Perak, is a participant of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme run by The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team.
For updates on the BRATs programme, go to facebook.com/niebrats.
With the theme of the article in mind, carry out the following English language activities.
1 List adjectives to describe an introvert and an extrovert. Compare your list with your friends’ and discuss whether you agree with each other.
2 Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? Do you see any strengths or weaknesses in your tendency? What steps are you taking to address those weaknesses? Discuss in groups of four.
The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) programme promotes English language learning in primary and secondary schools nationwide.
For Star-NiE enquiries, email starnie@thestar.com.my.
