Connecting with people has never been easier than it is today, thanks to the Internet.
For young people, particularly Gen Z, growing up as the most digitally connected generation might suggest vibrant social lives and a deep sense of belonging.
But the online world has created a paradox, as greater access to digital connection has also coincided with growing concerns about loneliness.
In 2025, the World Health Organisation’s (WHO) Commission on Social Connection estimated that between 17% and 21% of people aged 13 to 29 years old were experiencing loneliness globally, with adolescents reporting the highest rates.
Social isolation and loneliness are also increasingly being recognised by WHO as a public health problem that should be prioritised.
In Malaysia, the prevalence of loneliness among secondary school students has doubled over a decade and reached 16%, according to a study done in 2025 by the National Health and Morbidity Survey (NHMS).
These findings point to a vulnerability faced by youths today even as digital technology offers more ways to stay connected. There is also concern that the generations succeeding Gen Z, especially Generation Alpha, could face similar challenges.
Sunway University psychology lecturer Dr Fam Jia Yuin explains that loneliness is not merely a problem of having nobody to communicate with.
“Having access to communication is different from experiencing meaningful connection,” he says.
“You may receive messages throughout the day, have hundreds or thousands of followers, participate in several group chats, and still feel that nobody really knows you or that you have nobody to turn to when you are struggling.”
He adds that the distinction lies in the gap between the relationships people have with others and the relationships they want or need.
However, Fam is also quick to caution against seeing it as an inevitable condition of an entire generation and to distinguish between occasional loneliness and chronic loneliness.
“The greater concern is when loneliness persists over time and begins affecting a person’s mood, sleep, motivation, studies, work or willingness to engage with other people.”
Rethinking friendships
Most of Gen Z would no doubt point to how the Covid-19 pandemic has abruptly accelerated the shift in how friendships are formed and maintained.
When lockdowns, social distancing and school closures took effect, many of the everyday opportunities for interaction disappeared. Conversations and casual encounters were ultimately replaced by screens and messaging applications.
For a generation already so used to communicating digitally, the pandemic further normalised online interaction as a substitute for being there physically.
Cheng Xuan Ling, 22, believes both Covid-19 and the surge in social media have contributed to this change.
“After becoming accustomed to communicating through screens, some people may find it difficult to initiate face-to-face interactions due to the loss of natural, everyday environments for socialising, leaving many people with social anxiety and degraded social stamina when trying to return to the physical world,” says Cheng.
The disruption was not only limited to real-life communication and friendships, as Fam notes important routines and life transitions, such as moving from school to university, were also interrupted.
Returning to physical interaction after prolonged periods of isolation was not easy as communicating through screens had become the new norm.
Added to the fact that social media has become more populated than ever and has provided a constant stream of other people’s social lives, it has created new expectations around how they navigate friendships.
Fariq (not his real name) describes his social life as quite stable on the surface but not always emotionally fulfilling.
He has friends and always makes plans to go out with them, but he still feels that he’s maintaining friendships rather than getting closer to the people in his life.
“When I was younger, it was much easier because you would see the same people every day at school, so you did not have to think about making new friends or feel pressured because you did things together with your classmates and naturally became close,” he says.
“Now everyone is doing different things, so you have to make an effort to meet.
“Sometimes, you just don’t have the energy to keep doing that.”
Maintaining those friendships also comes with expectations about what it means to be a good friend, especially when social media constantly shows other people’s social lives.
Fariq finds himself questioning whether he is doing enough for his friends, or whether his relationships measure up to what he sees online.
Aloe Mind therapy centre counsellor Sabrina Sivajothi also highlights that social media can encourage comparisons.
“It can make loneliness worse because we’re constantly exposed to other people’s social lives. We see birthdays, weddings, dinners, holidays and groups of friends, and we start comparing our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel.”
Such comparisons can leave people feeling that their own friendships are inadequate, even when they are just as meaningful and sufficient.
Fam notes that young people can become preoccupied with visible indicators of friendships, such as the number of followers they have on social media, how frequently their friends interact with their posts, or even whether they are included in pictures they posted.
While these experiences can genuinely cause hurt to a connection, he says they do not totally reflect the quality of a relationship and hopes that young people don’t get too caught up in unrealistic expectations.
“Meaningful friendships are normally built through much less glamorous processes. Social media gives us excellent tools for displaying relationships, but displaying a relationship is not the same as maintaining one,” Fam says.
The connection paradox
Digital communication has also changed how young adults form and sustain friendships today.
Cheng agrees that online messaging and social media make it easier to reconnect with old friends when meeting in person is difficult.
However, she still prefers face-to-face interactions where conversations feel more genuine.
Similarly, Praveena Sivakumar shares that online communication makes it possible to maintain friendships through regular conversations and updates, but spending time together is important to strengthen those bonds.
Praveena maintains a wider online social circle than the one she keeps close to in person. She interacts with various people on social media platforms but still reserves her closest relationships for those she feels most comfortable with.
“When people stop interacting physically and lose touch, the friendship can slowly fade. In-person interactions create a different type of connection because spending time together builds stronger memories,” the 24-year-old says.
For Fariq, however, the convenience of online communication can create an illusion of closeness.
He would regularly exchange messages with friends online, but may go through the entire day without actually seeing anyone in person.
“Social media has replaced most of our physical interactions and convinced us that we’re being social when we’re actually just sitting alone in our room chatting through screens.
“It’s not enough to fulfil our needs because as humans, we need physical contact. That’s just how we are.”
But Fam mentions that we can’t attribute loneliness solely to social media use, pointing out that digital platforms can also strengthen existing relationships and help people find a sense of belonging with the wider community.
His own meta-analysis of 26 longitudinal studies involving almost 25,000 participants found a two-way relationship between loneliness and problematic media usage, which is that loneliness leads to problematic use, while problematic use also results in loneliness.
But the effects were relatively small, suggesting that the relationship is more complicated than chalking it up to time spent online. Rather than focusing only on screen time, Fam recommends considering what people are doing online and whether their digital interactions support or replace meaningful relationships.
A painful cycle
The difficulty of forming close relationships can become much more pronounced when young adults begin to pull away from social opportunities.
Sabrina says a common pattern among clients experiencing loneliness is that they want connection but are also afraid of rejection, judgment or being misunderstood.
“Some have had experiences where they opened up and didn’t feel heard, so they became more guarded,” she says.
“Others may have been in friendships where they were always the one putting in the effort, checking in or making plans.
“Eventually, they stop trying because it feels exhausting.”
She also observes how some have become emotionally independent to the point where they may not even know how to ask for support.
“Sometimes the issue isn’t that they don’t have people around them. It’s that they don’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable with those people.”
Loneliness can then reinforce itself, as a person who fears rejection may not be open to reaching out. Eventually, they may begin thinking that others do not want them around.
Additionally, Fam says prolonged loneliness can increase sensitivity to perceived social rejection.
“A relatively neutral situation, such as somebody not replying immediately to a message, may be interpreted as rejection. That can make the person more hesitant to initiate interaction or more likely to withdraw. Unfortunately, withdrawal then reduces opportunities for positive social experiences, which can reinforce the initial loneliness.”
In such cases where loneliness becomes persistent, causing significant distress or interfering with daily functioning, professional support can help individuals understand where their difficulties stem from.
Sabrina says counselling, for example, can provide a safe space to explore underlying experiences rather than simply asking someone to go out and meet more people to overcome it.
“Counselling is where the deeper work happens, where we work on understanding the person’s relationship patterns, how they respond to vulnerability, what they expect from relationships and what may be stopping them from allowing people to get closer.
“I don’t believe there is one single reasoning for loneliness. We need to understand what is causing that loneliness to persist in someone.”
More meaningful connections
For Cheng, one way of building friendships has been to actively look for places to meet people through shared interests.
After joining her university’s theatre and film club, she found it easier to initiate conversations when there was already something common to share.
She values gathering spaces outside of school and work, where various people can interact without the pressure associated with everyday responsibilities.
These places, also known as “third spaces”, can include hobby clubs and community centres.
Praveena also believes group activities can make socialising less intimidating, as shared interests are a natural starting point for conversations.
Fariq, who has participated in casual activities outside of school, says these environments can help young adults meet people naturally.
“It’s important to have these spaces, and I think they can be a good remedy to loneliness in youths today.
“We need more of them to realise that they need to go out and meet people, life doesn’t just exist inside our screens,” he says.
Sabrina agrees that this can definitely help with friendship development, although being physically present among others does not resolve loneliness just like that.
She encourages young people to choose activities they genuinely enjoy, rather than approaching every social gathering with the sole motive of finding a new friend.
“When you are doing something you enjoy, there is already something to talk about.
“You can just focus on participating and allow relationships to develop naturally.”
Likewise, Fam suggests starting with small gestures, such as reconnecting with an old friend, inviting a colleague for coffee, taking the time to really listen when someone shares how they are doing, or just sharing more about yourself.
Friendship, he says, is built through repeated ordinary interactions instead of one defining conversation.
Praveena believes that a fulfilling social life is not about constantly being out with a large group of friends.
Cheng and Fariq also share a similar view, where having a few friends they can truly rely on is more important.
But no matter what, Fam says there is no prescribed number of friends that defines a healthy social life.
“A healthy social life is one where someone’s relationships broadly meet their social and emotional needs,” he says, adding that it includes providing companionship, support and a sense of belonging while making them feel comfortable to be in their own company.
This goes to show that the real question is not how many people we have in our lives, but whether we have relationships in which we feel genuinely known and understood.
