Since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic last year, close to 77,000 divorces have been recorded nationwide.
During a Dewan Rakyat meeting recently, Prime Minister Datuk Seri Ismail Sabri Yaakob said there were 10,346 divorces involving non-Muslim couples and 66,440 cases involving Muslim couples filed between March last year and August this year.
The figures may seem alarming, but Kuala Lumpur-based licensed counsellor Darrel Devan Lourdes thinks the pandemic has merely brought to light issues that have already existed.
“The pandemic is challenging couples to find solutions to issues in their marriages. I have seen an increase in couples coming in for counselling during the movement control order. When asked when their problems started, they revealed that they dated back to six years or more. None so far has said their problems started in March 2020,” said Lourdes in an email interview.
There’s no denying the prolonged stay-at-home period has taken a toll on many couples. One of the most significant issues is mental health effects when couples are stuck together for an extended period.
Lourdes said some unhappily married couples cannot find release from the emotional stress of sharing space with a person they do not enjoy or feel safe with.
“Before the pandemic, couples who did not enjoy each other or did not feel safe in their marriage could easily escape their partner. They could put time and energy into shopping, socialising or other sports activities outside the home. This helped minimise interaction and defuse the tension between them,” said Lourdes, who is trained in family and couple’s therapy.
The pandemic, he said, has also brought on many added stressors impacting an already fragile union.
“Some of the pressures include sharing the same space with the family during virtual meetings, adjusting to their children’s school schedules, and completing important office work. There is a complete loss of boundaries that separate home and work. Some couples have faced financial challenges due to job loss or salary cuts too.”
Lourdes added that common complaints by his clients include their inability to resolve conflicts, the struggle to find shared meaning other than their children, and a lack of intimacy.
“Other issues that cause trouble for couples include differences in parenting styles and financial management. In Malaysia, many couples struggle with the over-involvement of their in-laws too.”
However, couples can still find ways to work together to improve their relationship and marriage. Here are some tips on how to do so.
Spend quality time doing activities you both like that do not involve the children. If possible, do some of these with common friends.
Marriage counselling website Power of Two (www.poweroftwomarriage.com) shared that in a great relationship, couples talk freely, openly and feel safe sharing their most private thoughts. In addition, they comfortably and considerately verbalise their concerns and feelings when difficulties arise and voice their positive opinions when things are good.
Attend workshops that help couples develop skills to have difficult conversations that get to a conclusion.
Learn to develop dialogue skills and share feelings. Next, schedule a date night and lastly, make an effort to rebuild the spark in the marriage.
If the problems keep repeating in the relationship and remain unresolved, it is advisable to seek the help of a licensed marriage counsellor.
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