Ready or not, here I come!
It can be very upsetting for a man, and possibly his partner, if he comes before sexual intercourse has begun in earnest, only then to go limp.
The effect can linger too: Climaxing sooner than you wanted may make you worry about a repeat performance during your next sexual encounter, setting off a negative cycle.
It’s important to know that premature ejaculation (PE) is neither a character weakness nor something you’re to blame for, says urologist Dr Axel Merseburger, spokesman for the German Society of Urology (DGU).
It’s a recognised – and common – type of sexual dysfunction.
The International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) defines PE as always or nearly always ejaculating prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration.
But the meaning of “premature” is subjective: ”Some men may suffer if they come after 10 minutes, and others not at all after two,” says Dr Merseburger.
What they all have in common though, is the feeling that they have no control over their orgasm, and being sexually “inadequate” as a result.
Along with physical factors, such as sensitivity to stimulation and intimacy, psychological factors play a major role.
Research shows that the average time from penetration to ejaculation in heterosexual intercourse is five to six minutes.
"This starkly contrasts with what you see in porn films, of course, where men appear to hump away for hours,” Dr Merseburger says.
But normal life doesn’t have to be like pornography, and you don’t have to be an athlete in bed.
There are some practical things you can try to prolong sex.
One is the so-called squeeze technique, in which you or your partner firmly squeezes the end of your penis where the head joins the shaft when you feel the urge to come.
This can at least delay ejaculation somewhat.
Using condoms can help.
"They thicken the stimulus threshold, since mucous membrane doesn’t rub against mucous membrane,” Dr Merseburger says.
The stop-start technique is another possibility, which involves stopping pelvic thrusts when you feel you’re about to ejaculate.
The problem is that it’s not always easy, and repeated interruptions can diminish the pleasure of the sex act.
Further options include taking slow, deep breaths to calm down and reduce arousal, and distracted thinking by focusing your mind on something non-sexual – say, the stock market.
Then there are medications.
Creams, gels and sprays containing a numbing agent – such as benzocaine, lidocaine or prilocaine – can be applied to the glans before sex.
They reduce sensation and help delay ejaculation, Dr Merseburger says, adding however, “It can backfire though, and you might not even get hard.
”Another medication he mentions is dapoxetine, a short-acting antidepressant used to treat PE that is available in some countries by prescription."
You take it an hour or two before sex, he says.
"I have little experience with it in my clinical practice, however,” he adds.
Along with drug therapy, Dr Merseburger says sex therapy or relationship counselling with your partner – aimed at "reducing stress and performance anxiety” – could be an option as well. – dpa
