Graphic: 123rf
There have been so many life stages which I've had to navigate through, and I've often had to rise above the storm and renew my resolve.
My kitchen is the place where I normally retreat to when I have to tackle burdens that seem overpowering. I bring out my measuring jug and spoons, baking trays, parchment paper and pastry brush. I hide in my kitchen, and bury myself in baking.
Yet, I have felt deep remorse that every cake or bake – celebrating any festival, anniversary or birthday – could not be savoured by my late mother who passed away four years ago. The glass measuring jug was handed down to me by my mother. She had bought it at Whiteway’s, an English product wholesaler in Kuala Lumpur, in 1956. She used it to mix milk formulae for all her babies in her early years of motherhood. I am constantly reminded that it was the most expensive jug that she saved towards, and it was my turn to take extra care of this heirloom. But it irritated me to hear her constant reminders to be careful when using that jug.
I had visions of the jug falling and shattering into a million pieces – which I tried very hard to shake off. But it happened one day. After using the jug to measure an oil mixture, and in my haste to wash out the residue with scalding water, it cracked after it slipped out of my hands in the kitchen sink. My head was pounding and I was filled with guilt the whole day. I went online to source for a new jug. But I knew I would never be able to replace the one that I broke.
I realised that mum's measuring jug represented different stages of her life – as a wife, mother and widow.
The writer's mother, Dawn Usharani Biswas. Photo: Sheela Kanagasabai
When I finally confessed to mum the unfortunate accident, she exclaimed, “What’s the use of feeling guilty when gratitude feels so much better?
“As we live life and experience it to its fullest, it’s only natural that we sometimes cling onto what once was. Cultivating an attitude of gratefulness is all about living in the present moment, appreciating what is here for us, and not allowing whatever arises to anchor us down.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. Most of the time, we are all grateful for what we have but sometimes we forget to be grateful for what we don't have.”
She said that keepsakes were just reminders of everyday things that a mother clings to. They are just physical reminders that possessions are meant to enhance life, not become the main focus of living. Her rational was that we came into the world with nothing, and we all leave with nothing.
I have since replaced the jug and learnt a valuable lesson in letting go of the past and being grateful for the present.
“Mummy, even in your absence, your strength and resilience inspire me every day.”
Happy Mothers Day!
