Information about upskilling after retirement is abundant if you want to work or manage money, but thanks to my grandmother, I have noticed there is a surprising gap in information.
The day Opa, my grandfather, retired from 40 or so years working in insurance, my Oma handed him an apron and taught him to cook pork chops. The next day he taught her about banking.
Oma had observed that when their friends lost their partners, the men invariable became ill as they could not cook while the women suffered from financial issues as they’d never dealt with money outside of their household budget.
Today we’re better about gendered tasks but most couples would have split jobs, leaving one an expert and the other a novice or untutored.
So, when retirement hits, what life skills should you be picking up?
Housework is still gendered. A 2017 study of the Evolution of Gender Roles in Malaysia by the Malaysia Population Research Hub that involved 3,044 adult Malaysians found that 95% of Malaysian women did housework, childcare, and eldercare duties. However, only 44%, 57%, and 69% of men were involved in each of these. Interestingly, 92% of men managed family and finances, compared to only 45% of women.
Other studies show significant issues arise from our diet and lifestyle, specifically our knowledge.
The National Health and Morbidity Survey 2019 that talked to 16,588 citizens found that 94.9% of adult Malaysians don’t eat the daily recommended five servings of fruit and veg. Also, 50.1% are overweight or obese and 29.9% of women are anaemic.
In general, 35.1% of Malaysian adults suffer from low health literacy. Specifically, 28% have trouble managing medical issues due to lack of knowledge, 32.3% have trouble with disease prevention, and 27% don’t know how to practise healthy lifestyles.
The National Health and Morbidity Survey Elder Care 2018 that talked to 3,140 Malaysians aged 50 to 59, found 32.7% have hypertension, 29.1% have hyperlipidemia, high levels of cholesterol and triglycerides linked to heart attacks and strokes, and 18.8% have diabetes. Furthermore, 24.6% say they lack social interaction, leading to poor quality of life.
When the scientists spoke to 3,977 Malaysians aged 60 and over, they found that 30.8% suffer from malnutrition and less than 11% eat the recommended 5 daily servings of fruit and veg. Furthermore, 31.9% say they lack social interaction, leading to poor quality of life.
Every couple will have a different dynamic but here are some ideas to kick off with that are based on survey findings.
* Exchange talents: Future-proof your independence by making a list of what tasks each of you do every day, month and year. Then mentor each other.
Basic everyday skills like ironing, shopping, and laundry can be taught in three steps. The expert demonstrates, the student works under supervision, and then goes solo.
Layered tasks like filing taxes and understanding what goes into basic car maintenance are best discussed and worked together several times.
* Introduce your experts. Make lists of the professionals you use, lawyers, accountants, plumbers, specialty cleaners etc and share with your partner. Where necessary, go together for an introductory meet.
* Organise your bills. Ideally, you both set up bill payments online with your bank. Take turns to be in charge.
Pro tip: if you can, also get both names on each bill. Then, if one of you is ill, the other has full authority to act.
* Part-time PAs. Making appointments and coordinating care is labour intensive and often requires all kinds of insider knowledge. It’s hard to explain, and best learned by doing.
Take turns to organise regular doctor, dentist and other healthcare events. If you have pets, include the vet. Six months on and six off can work well.
* Be a master chef. Diet is clearly an issue for many for us, so if you can manage that, you can avoid illnesses. As restaurant food tends to be high in fat, salt and sugar, cooking at home will give you a health boost. Even better, going food shopping gets you out of the house and moving.
One way to ensure you’re eating well is to eat a rainbow. Eating a daily handful each of red, orange, yellow, green, and blue or purple fruit and veg should ensure you get your vitamins, minerals, phytochemicals, and fibre. Alternatively, make a list of what you eat, and have a doctor or nutritionist advise you on what to tweak for optimum health. Avoid quack diets and check sensible guides written by doctors to healthy eating.
*Swap hosting duties. Arranging a party is a hugely valuable skill that many adults lose track of because typically the task is outsourced when working to hotels, caterers, and restaurants.
In retirement, especially if budgets are tight, knowing how to present a simple lunch or making snacks for film marathons will ensure happy times with family or friends remain within reach. Work together to throw small gatherings and build skills as you connect with your loved ones.
It can be surprisingly challenging to learn new life tasks. We tend to resist any change instinctively, and the motivation for learning unexciting skills like ironing and bill paying can be hard to find.
However, three insights can help.
First, remember how hard you worked when young to learn your skills. That paid off, and this will too. See the work as an investment in your future happiness and comfort.
Second, it’s amazing how much knowledge and technique goes into everyday tasks. Learning from each other will foster mutual appreciation and respect.
Finally, it’s a learning curve, so expect a few disasters. Try to laugh about it! If you’re cooking, celebrate the crunchy somewhat burnt pasta. If you’re ironing, giggle at the crooked creases.
As Richard Branson observed, “You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.”
So embrace the learning curve and be happy.
Ellen Whyte is a British-registered counsellor and psychotherapist who has a soft spot for cats. She founded an online practice in 2016, and works with clients in 20+ countries. Email ellen.whyte@gmail.com
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