We've all seen it: A friend retires, expecting to fill their days with leisure, and finally writing that novel.
But a few weeks into retirement, they are lost. Their very identity appears to have disappeared.
It prompts a question: Are we our jobs?
Identity is tricky to define, and how it forms is hotly debated too.
My favourite theory comes from German psychologist Paul Baltes, who suggested identity is constantly evolving and influenced by our biology, thinking, and social situation.
That suggests that retirement may be tough because much of our thinking and social situation revolve around work.
Roughly 72% of working-age Malaysians (15 to 64) have a full-time job with a standard 48-hour week or more. Another 13% care for kids or the elderly, work that has even longer hours.
Even those not in work are thinking about it: Some 13% are students and 2% are unemployed and often fresh grads.
Our career takes up most of our waking hours, and it influences how people see us, where we live, what we eat, what we wear, and much more.
In fact, “What do you do?” is a standard opening question. In addition, we like to be useful. We like to contribute. It’s no wonder that we sometimes confuse what we do for a living with who we are.
We’ve all got a mate who is always on, clutching their phone or laptop no matter where they are. The one who, when you ask them how they are, talks about business.
For them, life revolves around work. They live and breathe KPIs, directing their thoughts and energy to the organisation that employs them.
For a few years, they have a grand time. However, retirement wipes it all away.
For workhorses, retirement is frightening. They are essentially exiled from their world. Bereft, they grieve.
The classic 1967 Holmes and Rahe stress study ranked retirement as the 10th most stressful event in life. It’s right up there with imprisonment and serious personal injury.
Newer studies, like the 2013 project by the UK Institute of Economic Affairs, link retirement to a 40% drop in “very good” or “excellent” self-assessed health as well as a 40% increase in clinical depression.
So, on the day we’re given the gold watch (or a cake and singsong), are we doomed to suffer a triple whammy of loss of identity, depression, and the onset of age-related health issues?
Not at all!
We all experience huge changes in life: From schoolkid, student, and fresh grad to veteran. Possibly we change companies or even careers a few times.
Retirement is just another transition. It may have been a while since we had a significant life change, but we have the necessary experience. All we need to do is leverage it.
Studies reveal that people who live a rich and varied life in middle age are happier in retirement. And that’s the key to success.
Put simply, basing your identity on your job means your eggs are in one basket. The prudent path is to diversify your activities so that your identity is broader. Then, when the transition comes, you will be resilient.
As the change is less profound, you stay in better health, and have more energy to adjust and reinvent yourself.
With life expectancy running around 74 for Malaysians, retirement can last two decades or more. That’s a lot of time, and it’s worth getting in shape for.
Just like you plan for your pension, it makes sense to start planning for your retirement identity when you are in your 40s or early 50s.
The foundation lies in developing good work-life balance so you can expand your horizons outside of office hours.
There are three basics to keep in mind.
First, the Harvard Study of Adult Development that has tracked groups of men throughout their lives since 1938, yielded a fascinating insight: Loneliness hurts your health. Strong and committed relationships are a vital ingredient for a happier, healthier old age.
Friendships take time to grow, so invest regular time in being a partner, a parent, and a friend. Have several friendship groups and maintain them.
Second, hobbies focus your thoughts and social connections. Also, participating in the arts helps develop empathy and critical thinking.
Go to the cinema, catch a theatre performance, and read novels. As a bonus, the more chats you have, the more fun you will have socialising.
Third, a 2018 study by the Malaysian Research Institute on Ageing and Universiti Putra Malaysia (UPM) confirmed that having good mobility and being free of pain are important factors fuelling a happy retirement.
Therefore, find fun activities that age well. Avoid high-impact sports like squash and rugby, and opt for dancing, golf, and walking.
It’s not difficult, but when you’re busy, making time for yourself can seem hard. However, while your profession is important, it’s a time-limited gig.
You are more than your CV.
Ellen Whyte is a British-registered counsellor and psychotherapist who has a soft spot for cats. She founded an online practice in 2016, and works with clients in 20+ countries.
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