Matches made in heaven? Almost

The swayamvara was an ancient tradition where women could decide on their partners even in a patriarchal society. A swayamvara, with a twist, is now on the cards in Penang.

SHANTI (not her real name) is now 60. And she is single.

There were attempts at marrying her off when she was young, but there were problems, chief among which was her darker complexion.

Her eldest brother, now 78, stopped trying to get her wed and she grew up – and old – caring for the children of her three brothers and two sisters.

Even some of those children are married now.

Shanti has regrets, sometimes. A marriage could have seen her having her own children and a partner.

Her brother is the one with the greater regret. He often talks to her about “his failure”.

“My brother always sits and asks for forgiveness from me for not getting me married off. But it’s okay. I am used to the life I am living,” she says.

There are many like her in Malaysia, unmarried for various reasons and growing old, sometimes with a tinge of regret.

Housewives are no longer in vogue. Instead, househusband is a buzzword. It’s in the dictionaries – Oxford, Cambridge, Collins – every one of them.

Does a woman really need marriage? Not really.

In fact, in Malaysia, the number of non-Muslim marriages, especially, fell by almost 30% in 2020. One could blame it on the pandemic but then, the number of Muslim marriages fell by just 1.8%.

To be honest, in this day and age, no woman needs a man to live a full life. Women wear trousers too, and they can stand on their own feet.

A marriage is now a partnership of equals and many women choose to further their studies.

Once older, they think about furthering their careers and by the time they do think of settling down, they often consider themselves too old and shrug it off.

Still, marriage is not going out of fashion. The real reason to get hitched now would be to have a life partner, experience the joy of raising children and have someone to hold your hand in old age.

Hundreds of couples are still rushing to get hitched every time there is a special date, the latest being last week, on 8.8.

The Malaysian Chinese have many such auspicious dates on which they hold mass weddings.

But it’s the Malaysian Indians who need to promote the institution of marriage, says the Penang Hindu Association (PHA).

With the Indian population dwindling – it’s gone from just over 8% a few years ago to below 7% now – there is a need for more marriages and more children, says its president P. Murugiah.

And his association intends to do something about it. It will be holding a swayamvara, an ancient tradition.

Believe it or not, those ancient guys were way ahead of their time – they let the women call the shots.

Until recently, the modern-day Indian community was a patriarchal one, where men could demand dowries from women.

The men even get choosy – they want pretty, educated and fair-skinned girls.

Independent women, not happy at being treated like commodities, turn away.

But in ancient times, the women – at least the royals and daughters of rich nobles – had the right to choose the man they wanted. That was the swayamvara.

The eligible bachelors were called and had to gather round. The young bride would then scan them all, choose the man she wanted and garland him or crown him.

It was as good as a wedding. Indian weddings are marked by the exchange of garlands and the swayamvara put the garland in the woman’s hands.

It wasn’t just in India. It was a practice in ancient Greece too, when Kitayun, the Constantinople Emperor’s daughter, chose Persian Gushtasp, who later became king of Persia.

In some cases, the men had to prove themselves – in the Ramayana, Rama broke a bow others could not lift to win the hand of Sita. It ended well. After all, Sita had her eyes on him too.

In the Mahabharata, Arjuna lifted a heavy bow and shot an arrow into the eye of a swimming fish to win the right to marry Draupadi.

That story goes from women’s liberation to a strange form of filial piety. He ends up sharing his wife with his brothers after his mother has a slip of the tongue.

What Murugiah’s PHA has in mind, though, is a swayamvara with a difference.

There will be no eligible bachelors trying to break bows, lift heavy stones or kill any animal in wondrous ways.

Instead, there will be priests and astrologers who will study the horoscopes of the women and men who are looking for life partners.

These experts will make the recommendations and then it’s up to the hopefuls to go ahead and work on the nuptials. No, that would be too easy.

There will be cops too, to ensure there are no fraudsters in the midst, and a health declaration will be needed to ensure no unforeseen problems.

It will also be devoid of divisive issues like caste, clan or region.

It’s not the first time it’s being done, either.

Murugiah says they held one such event 10 years ago and about 40 couples were married.

“All those marriages are still going strong,” he says proudly.

There is no religious or racial barrier either.

“We had some Chinese, even a European and some north Indians the last time.”

Already, people are signing up. Among those who are looking to get married are 50-somethings, some whose spouses have died.

And they come from all walks of life, including doctors and dentists.

The matchmaking – that’s actually what it is – will be done at the Sri Meenakshi Sundareswarar Temple in Jalan Kebun Bunga, across the road from the Natukottai Chettiar Temple and a stone’s throw from the Waterfall Hill temple.

You could call it the abode of the Gods. It is the nearest you can come to a match made in heaven.

If only Santhi were a few years younger ...