Nation-building lessons from a song

IT’S depressing and sad to see all the mistrust and hatred in Malaysian politics nowadays.

A simple misunderstanding over religious issues, for instance, blown up to national proportions for likes, political mileage, and the chance to boast about being a racial or religious “hero” – how did we come to this? And is this how we are going to be for the next 50 years? Or 100 years?

But I can see a solution to this behaviour, one that came to me when I happened to remember a favourite old film recently.

It does not call for a new ministry or government agency costing billions. Or even much research or study. All it requires is to listen to a P. Ramlee song about the realities of a marriage between a man and a woman.

I’m referring to the famous Sedangkan Lidah Lagi Tergigit (When the Tongue Gets Bitten) from the hilarious and most meaningful film Tiga Abdul (1964).

I have only watched the movie 12 times, beginning with my parents’ black-and-white TV, then on their colour TV, my own flat-screen TV, and lately on my laptop. I recommend this great movie to all Malaysians. Most Malays over 40 years old are probably familiar with it.

The song in question teaches us about values and the principles of harmony in being a husband and wife.

Reflecting on my own 41 years of marriage and 30 years of observing politics, I believe the song is highly relevant for all people, for all times, for all relationships, and for all nations looking to build a harmonious society.

Although simple, the song is powerful and true in every logical, rational and spiritual sense.

The first four lines explain the problem succinctly and provide a simple solution: “Sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit (Inevitably at times we accidentally bite our tongue) / Apa pula suami isteri (Let alone between husband and wife) / Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih (Let go of the bad, keep the good) / Baru teguh peribadi (Only then will character be strong).”

In any relationship, whether between husband and wife, between different races and faiths, or even different political divides, issues will arise.

Most issues arise accidentally or unintentionally, whether they are related to statements, socks, sandwiches or lift cores that resemble a cross.

What do we do with them?

We exploit them, we ride on them, we milk them for all their political worth, and we end up firing insults and angry warnings back and forth.

If our country is a marriage, it has failed miserably.

P. Ramlee, however, says, “Look, guys, in differences, there are always bound to be misunderstandings. So forget the past and look towards the new and the future. Discard the murky feelings of betrayal, mistrust and arrogance, and begin anew with fresh understanding and tolerance.” Is it that difficult?

“Apa guna kita bertengkar (What is the sense of us arguing) / Suami isteri harus bersabar (Husbands and wives must be patient) / Kasih sayang rukun dan damai (Love and compassion are principles of peace) / Hidup seperti dalam mahligai (Then we can live in a palace of harmony) / Maaf hamba, wahai dinda (Please forgive me, my dearest).”

In the great misunderstandings of politics, of religion, and of history, both politicians and rakyat have been impatient and chose to argue and fling threats around instead of a civil dialogue or a cordial conversation. We can’t seem to sit down together.

It doesn’t help that social media influencers scream at the drop of a hat to viralise an issue without waiting for any investigation or explanation.

Then the politicians jump in, threatening race and religious wars, and the citizens, listening to this prattle, climb onto their social media platforms and accuse one another of being at fault.

Nowadays, there exists no patience whatsoever between us, it seems.

Citizens love to blame politicians, but now I say, if we citizens exercise simple common sense, simple patience, and wait for a full investigation or explanation from proper sources, then we can stop any politician from milking any issue for their personal gain.

We can put a stop to this rot at the heart of this nation by looking to our own reactions and behaviour.

“Suami isteri mesti berfakat (Husband and wife must come to a mutual understanding) / Rumahtangga mendapat berkat (This will give blessings to the marriage) / Apa guna selisih faham (What is the use of mistrust and misunderstanding) / Kalau ingin aman tenteram (If we wish to live in peace and harmony) / Mohon ampun, wahai kanda (Forgive me, my dearest).”

As the verses demonstrate, asking for and accepting forgiveness are key to any relationship.

As human beings, we all make mistakes and we all indulge in overemotional responses and display bouts of accidental arrogance. Having such weaknesses, our human corrective response should be to simply ask for forgiveness and also to accept or reciprocate kindly when we ourselves are asked.

Mind you, I do not count on politicians asking for forgiveness when so many of them indulge in making slanderous statements and giving out insults. Some people are simply unforgivable.

But among ourselves, as fellow citizens, we must learn from this wise song. When all is said and done, we must disregard the past and begin anew with hope and acceptance and with the strength of wisdom joined to an all-forgiving heart.

“Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih (Let go of the bad, keep the good) / Baru teguh peribadi (Only then will character be strong).”

Prof Dr Mohd Tajuddin Mohd Rasdi is Professor of Architecture at the Tan Sri Omar Centre for Science, Technology and Innovation Policy Studies at UCSI University. The views expressed here are entirely his own.