Endless love yet can’t reach climax

Dear Dr. G,

I hope you can help me resolve bedroom issues I have been having with my husband.

My husband is 32 and I am 29 years old. We had been courting for one year before we got married.

We both agreed not to engage in sexual intercourse until we tied the knot.

It has been one year since we are married, and we are both facing this problem of my husband having difficulty reaching climax.

Generally, I cannot see anything wrong with him. He gets a normal erection and it sustains throughout the intimacy.

However, since we started engaging in sex, he has not been able to reach climax at all.

We went to the doctors and he assured us that my husband is normal, and that all the issues are psychological. He reckons it’s a matter of time and my husband will one day be able to climax.

Although we are pleased with the assurance, the “never ending” love making sessions is tiring, and certainly puts a lot of strain in our relationship.

I am hoping to put Dr G on the spot about my husband.

First of all, why is my husband only able to ejaculate when he masturbates, but unable to reach climax when having sex with me?

What is the normal interval of ejaculation? And how prolong is prolonged?

Is my husband suffering from anxiety issues? Or is this neurological?

Can you suggest any medication or treatment that will help us?

Although all these everlasting sex may seem pleasurable, I really think it’s a pain in our relationship.

On that note, I hope Dr. G can help us to overcome this and put an end to this never-ending lovemaking.

Regards,

Lasting Leslie

The impaired interval of ejaculation is a condition characterised by a man taking an extended period of sexual stimulation to achieve sexual climax and ejaculate. Delayed ejaculation is also diagnosed as retard or impaired ejaculation. In severe cases, some men may even suffer from the complete inability to ejaculate, which is usually diagnosed as anejaculation. Although it is normal for men to experience delayed ejaculation from time to time, the condition is an impairment, or sexual dysfunction, when it bothers the sufferers or affect the sexual partners adversely.

Most medical literature has reported the normal interval for men to reach ejaculation is between four and eight minutes, from the time of penetration till the point of ejaculation. This is usually measured by IELT (intra-vaginal ejaculatory latency time). There is no real consensus on the exact timings of men suffering from delayed ejaculation, however, most expert would agree intercourse interval in access of thirty minutes is abnormal. Although many may consider a prolonged sexual intercourse as pleasurable, for men with delayed ejaculation who needs more than 30 minutes of sexual stimulation every time to reach climax, this may be painful (literally!) and exhausting to say the least. The sufferers of delayed ejaculation often complain of fatigue, irritation and loss of erection during intercourse.

The real prevalence of delayed ejaculation is largely unknown. In one survey, 8% of men reported being unable to achieve orgasm over two months of regular sexual encounters. This condition can be categorised into lifelong or acquired, according to its time of onset. Many sexual health specialists will also further categorise the disorder into generalised or situational, where the latter will only occur with certain sexual partner, position or circumstances.

The causes of delayed ejaculation are predominantly unknown. However, it can also result from certain medical conditions, surgery or even medication. Depression, anxiety and stress can often be linked to the increase in the interval of ejaculation. Other medical conditions such as injury of the pelvic nerves, low testosterone or thyroid hormones and stroke may also result in prolonged ejaculations. Psychological causes such as cultural and religious taboos, poor body image and differences between reality of sex with a partner and sexual fantasies have also been recognided to be associated with delayed ejaculations.

The treatment of delayed ejaculation depends on the underlying causes. Stopping medications such as antidepressants, certain anti-epileptics and the reduction of alcohol consumption can often normalise the ejaculatory functions. On the other hand, psychotherapy can usually help by addressing the underlying mental problems leading to the delay in ejaculation. The intervention usually involves counseling by a sex therapist enhancing sexual stimulation to facilitate ejaculation, which will require active participation of sexual partners to dwell deep into bodily exploration and stimulation.

A 19th century American writer and philosopher, Amos Bronson Alcott once said: “Success is sweet and sweeter if long delayed and gotten through many struggles and defeats”. When it comes to sex, nature somehow dictates it to be sweet only when the interval is not too long, and definitely cannot be too short.