Always there: Long (left) with his triplets Kelly, Matthew and Nicholas and wife Pauline Ho (second from right).
Modern fathers are breaking stereotypes and leading the charge at home
PETALING JAYA: From triathlete trainers to content creators, some modern fathers are challenging norms and showing that being a great dad isn’t just about the paycheck – it’s about showing up.
For Sean Long, the best reward is being able to see his children do well in life.
The 61-year-old from Kuala Lumpur took the road less taken by being the primary caregiver to his now 19-year-old non-identical triplets Matthew, Nicholas and Kelly, who are also triathletes.
“I have worked as a realtor and also for major corporations in the tech industry while my wife is an auditor at a big international firm. It has been more than 12 years since I have held a traditional job.
“Frankly, I think the term ‘stay-at-home dad’ is inaccurate because in the last decade or so, more men have been taking on jobs in the gig industry or jobs with flexible work hours to support their children.
“As the primary caregiver, I cover the weekdays while my wife does the weekends. Since my children are triathletes, a lot of their needs revolve around running classes and such.
“I am glad I undertook this role because being present during all those moments matters. This is part of the rewards of parenthood which many parents may not be able to experience,” he said.
Fathers Day will be celebrated tomorrow.
Not all heroes wear capes: Mohamed Salahuddin takes care of son Tashrif while working as a music video director.
In terms of the challenges of being a primary caregiver, Long said some of the toughest aspects include the disconnection from the conventional career path and witnessing peers climb the corporate ladder.
However, he noted that as long as the parent is happy to be a primary caregiver, such thoughts should not matter.
Mohamed Salahuddin, 42, from Klang, starts his day at 5am with six children in tow.
It has been 13 years since he decided to be the stay-at-home parent while his wife works as a human resources executive.
“I still work as a content creator, like TikTok and video production, but I am the one who wakes the kids and sends them to school. I also send my wife to work, then I continue to care for our youngest child, who is seven months old.
“I manage my work by setting up appointments at night, and handling the kids and housework during the day.
“There is a stereotype tied to being ‘Mr Mama’ as we are often considered to be unsuccessful, unemployed or lazy, but the truth is that handling the household is a never-ending job.
“We don’t have a support system and don’t really get to share our experience with others, which can lead to suppressed emotions or even depression,” he said in an interview.
Picture perfect: Sah with wife Sher, son Charlie and daughter Arabella.
For freelancer Sah Henn-Wei, 41, from Subang Jaya, choosing to become a primary caregiver was a way to help his financial planner wife, who was having trouble caring for their daughter due to post-partum depression in 2016.
“Then, my son came along and the load just doubled. I decided to leave my full-time job as an art director at an agency as the working hours were not flexible.
“It wasn’t a hard decision to make as my own father was a teacher and my main caregiver as a child,” he said, adding that his gifted daughter also requires more attention so having flexible hours is a bonus.
Sah wakes up at 5.30am, gets the kids ready for school and does the house chores while they are away.
He then gets some of his work done, prepares lunch and dinner, and then puts the kids to bed.
Asked about challenges, he points to not having many friends to talk to and making sure the household runs smoothly.
“Having to put my career aside to do this has made me doubt my choices many times, especially when I see my friends become heads of companies and jet setting around the world. Yes, the adage that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ rings true.
“But being able to be home and be there for your kids while they are growing up has been the best feeling ever. I wouldn’t trade it for the world,” he added.
