Noor Azimah: Parents have to be sensitive to what their children want to pursue.
ASIAN parents, particularly the dreaded “tiger mums”, are often strict when it comes to education.
This, Malaysian Mental Health Association president Datuk Dr Andrew Mohanraj believes, is probably based on the cultural and intergenerational belief system that “parents know best”.
“Traditional Asian culture can make it quite impossible for parents to give total freedom to their children to choose a career path, especially when the children depend on them for financial backing.“Often, such parents want their children to pursue professions that they deem prestigious and lucrative,” he said, adding that in other cultures or countries, students tend to be more independent because they do not rely on parents to put them through college and university.
CAREERsense@HELP director Eric Bryan Amaladas agreed.Children of Asian families are more likely to choose a career that would please their parents because they fear that dissent could affect the relationship, he said.
Mak: Children being pressured to follow the career path set out by their parents may break down.
“Students who pursue a career that they are not interested in tend to feel burdened and perform poorly,” he observed.
Melaka Action Group for Parents in Education chairman Mak Chee Kin said there are many cases of children being pressured to follow the career path set out by their parents.
“This will hamper the true potential of the child. Some may give up halfway or worse still, break down,” he said.
While parents play a very important role, it does not mean that they have to control every aspect of their children’s life, Dr Mohanraj stressed.When it comes to their children’s careers, parents must realise that it is not their decision to make, he said.
“The children are the ones who hold the key to unlock the door to their future.
“However, parents as key figures in a child’s life, can offer their input. Deciding on the child’s future is a decision best done collaboratively,” he said.
Instead of pushing for a particular profession, parents can nudge the child towards an area of interest or one which best suits the child’s potential, he added.
“This allows parents to gauge the child’s broad area of interest and gives the child confidence that they would support his or her choice,” he said, adding that parents need to be more understanding and compromising when engaging with their children.
Parent Action Group for Education Malaysia chairman Datin Noor Azimah Abdul Rahim believes that there are still those who hold strong to family career traditions such as medicine and law, and continue to pressure the next generation into carrying on the profession to uphold the family pride and good name.
“Some of the children may be open to carrying on the family tradition but others may not be cut out for it. Parents should guide their children, instead of forcing them to do what they don’t like as this could lead to mental health issues later on,” said Noor Azimah.Parents, she added, have to be sensitive to what their children want to pursue.
The SPM results will be an indication of their areas of interest. It will help narrow down the options available, she said.
“But children should not be so quick in dismissing their parents’ opinions. Parents bring wisdom and practicality into the decision-making process, which can lead to the children making the right career choice.”
Mother of three, Helen Nathen, shared how her son had chosen a career against her wishes.
He was after prestige and listened to his friends, and it did not work out, she said.
“He failed but as parents, you need to keep an open mind and let them be whatever they want to be.”Helen advised students to be careful and to “consider everything” before signing up for a course.
Don’t just go along for the ride, be an observer and learner before you decide on your future, she said.
Mogan Supperamaniam, who has experienced the negative effects of pushing his three children into doing what they are disinterested in, said, “They struggled to get good grades and they were stressed out all the time but they got used to it over time. As parents, we are only doing what is best for them.”Being forced to take up a field of study only because of parental pressure could affect them and they might not do their best in the course, because their interest is elsewhere, Dr Mohanraj cautioned.
“In some cases, this can lead to undue stress, anxiety and depression. In some East Asian societies, it is not uncommon to hear of such frustrations leading to suicide,” he said.In situations where the parents and their children cannot reach a compromise, Dr Mohanraj suggested that the family reach out to understanding relatives who can act as mediators in the decision-making process.
