French philosopher Albert Camus wrote, “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life”.
Most of us know the feeling of trying to find what makes us happy, looking outside ourselves for things and experiences that will leave us with a lasting sense of satisfaction.
Whether it’s material possessions, experiences, promotions, more money, social standing, and so on, even if we get to enjoy these things we soon realise the feelings of joy are short lived. After a few days, the latest smartphone is just another device to be upgraded....
As we approach the end of the year, some people might be turning their attention to the New Year and thinking about the goals they want to set for themselves for 2023. These can be helpful, although goals without meaning tend not to last the pace – without purpose, our resolve diminishes.
Recently, I had the pleasure of swapping ideas with emotions researcher Dr Eugene Tee on how we can go beyond setting goals if we wish to create meaningful change in our lives. Tee – who is studying under positive psychology pioneer Prof Martin Seligman at Pennsylvania University, United States – was kind enough to offer an exercise that can help us create a vision of how we’d like to be over the coming year.
When we desire change, it can be difficult to know where to start, or we come at the idea of change from a position of thinking we “should” change, which can feel more like a chore than an opportunity.
Having tried Tee’s exercise, I found it to be helpful in terms of getting a clearer idea of what I want to accomplish next year and to lay out a blueprint of how I can actively take steps to make it happen. It also made me focus less on the goals themselves and more on what I am currently doing well (and what I could do more of), which offered a greater sense of control and reminded me of the importance of being engaged in and enjoying the process.
On that note, here is the “Best Possible Self” exercise from Tee – I hope it inspires you to connect with a sense of meaning and purpose as we approach the New Year.
The future holds positive possibilities, offering a chance to change things – to make them different and better, or to preserve what we have gained. You can use this best possible self activity to cultivate your optimism and hope for a better future. Your “best possible self” is a representation of who you hope to be and who you optimistically think of becoming.
This exercise helps you link impressions of your current self with your ideal self and identify small steps you can take, starting today, to move closer to the best possible version of yourself.
Identify possibilities through goal statements: What possibilities and opportunities lie before you?
You can answer this question by listing some goals you wish to accomplish in the following year that will move you closer to your ideal self. This may be a project you’ve been putting off for a while, or learning to be a better partner.
Think about goals you can set that align with your values. You might even think of your ideal life across various main areas – professionally, socially and spiritually.
Identify the potentials you already have that could help you reach those possibilities: What abilities do you have which would help you reach your goals?
It’s easy to fixate on areas for growth and improvement, but equally important is identifying what strengths you already possess to help you reach your possibilities.
Are you organised, diligent, resourceful or empathetic? Reflect on why you listed these skills as ones that will help you reach your full potential and think about ways to use them to help you reach your goals.
Invite a friend along for the journey: You can make this activity fun by asking a friend to generate pathways and potential for themselves and share the growth experience. Your friend might even help you identify abilities you overlook or take for granted and provide you with gentle accountability.
However, the best part of sharing your progress and achievements is an amplified sense of accomplishment from sharing your unique journeys toward your better selves.
Take a small step forward today: Once you have identified your pathways and potentials, think of one thing you can do today – no matter how small – to move towards reaching your goals and getting closer to your ideal self.
You might start a habit of meditating more often, for instance, if your goal is to develop a better way of managing your emotions.
Ask yourself, what is one small step I can take to reach my goals and move closer to my best self? These first steps don’t need to be anything major (in fact, it helps that they aren’t).
Sunny Side Up columnist Sandy Clarke has long held an interest in emotions, mental health, mindfulness and meditation. He believes the more we understand ourselves and each other, the better societies we can create. If you have any questions or comments, email lifestyle@thestar.com.my. The views expressed here are entirely the writer's own.
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