My husband picked the choicest piece of fish and put it on my plate. I was bemused when our daughter commented, "Ahh, so romantic!"
There's something about this gesture of husbandly kindness wrought in the home scene and highlighted over dinner by a family member. Is that romance or routine?
The emotional vibe of daily life is shaped by repeated small interactions – whether warmth is present, whether humour is there. Silliness and lightness, not pettiness.
Playfulness creates energy and joy, that ineffable undercurrent of closeness that helps to reduce the stress of living. It makes a relationship feel safer.What does romance look like now? These are liberal times, but among old couples, time seems to have stood still.
Pop culture often frames romance as grand moments: staring deep into each other's eyes, lips quivering, and declaring love unabashedly in public.
My conservative husband feels shy even to call my name in public. Holding hands is when crossing a busy street. And the last time he stared into my eye (left eye) was when an eyelash got stuck underneath the eyelid and caused discomfort.
Like many long-married couples, hubby and I are entering a very sanitised moment of romance. Intimacy may take the form of re-chewing the wife's half-chewed chicken drumstick or sharing an ice-cream.
Though sometimes, we get bolder and become boisterous – cheekily giving the other a slap on the butt as we pass each other in the hallway, transforming the mundane into hilarity, the ordinary into absurdity.
What we have is a sense of being loved. Romance remains a mystification at old age. Backaches are irritating. Dentures get in the way of a goodnight kiss. The quality of pillow talk regresses into a lullaby. Isn't intimacy at this age awkward and bumbling?
Romantic feelings are heady but the act of loving is intentional. Love flows through our lives in an inexplicable, unknowable way. It runs deeper and lasts longer than romance. Love is mysterious, like life itself.
But romance is wrapped up with the practical things we do for each other: asking what the other wants to eat, then goes out to buy back the food, and eat together in a familiar setting. Love can be simple like that. Not loud, just seeing to the needful.
As we grow older, romantic gestures are recalibrated to what we can do. That shift reframes romantic mood which can feel disorienting in old age.
Manifesting romantic moments just seems madcap to the doddery. No wonder sharing our food now looks outrageously romantic.
