Dear Thelma,
I am a 61-year-old man who is blind and has severe hearing loss, which I manage with the help of hearing aids.
Thankfully, modern technology has made it possible for me to read online news through braille reproduction, and that’s how I discovered this wonderful column.
I truly enjoy reading about the different lifestyles and challenges people face. Now, I’d like to share my own story and seek your advice.
Despite losing my vision and relying on hearing aids, I’ve never let that stop me from pursuing my passion for music. I am a musician, playing the keyboard, and music has been a part of my life since I was 10 years old.
My teachers encouraged me early on, inviting me to perform on the melodica at school concerts and asking me to play for my classmates at the end of the school day.
In my late 20s, I started learning the organ and have been playing the keyboard ever since.My late father was my biggest supporter. He was proud to see me perform as a one-man-band instrumental entertainer at weddings, open-air shows, charity concerts, and other events. He would often describe how famous musicians performed on stage, painting vivid pictures for me through his words. His encouragement gave me the confidence to pursue music seriously.
I was honoured to be recognised by music judges around Malaysia as one of the best disabled musicians, which motivated me even further.
In 2022, I was gifted a keyboard by a kind individual through the blind society, which helped me enhance my stage performances. I take pride in putting on lively shows with a mix of oldies, distinctive style, and flexible movement — often earning enthusiastic applause and cheers from the audience.
One of my most cherished achievements was being selected among the top 31 disabled musicians from across Malaysia to perform at the Unveiling Uniqueness concert at Menara BAC in July 2024. However, despite these accomplishments, I’ve recently encountered an unexpected and painful challenge.
Some members of the blind society have grown distant and unresponsive whenever I reach out about music events. They often mention that it’s difficult to communicate with me due to my hearing difficulties, and some say they’re too busy to respond. This has left me feeling isolated and discouraged. When I expressed interest in being interviewed about my music career, a reporter was brought in – but they interviewed others and left me out. I believe in my music and want to share it with a wider audience. Along with a friend who is also disabled, I am working on promoting my music.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to my story. Your guidance would mean the world to me.
A Hopeful Musician
Thank you for writing in, and what an interesting story! You have a career as a disabled blind musician already but with recent hearing issues, friends at the blind society are withdrawing. You’re feeling isolated and discouraged. In a recent media event, they left you out.I’m very sorry about this.
You’ve not actually asked me a question, so I’m not sure what you want guidance on: Your feelings? Your musical career? You also mention being retired from therapy services but don’t tell me if this is physiotherapy, speech therapy or some other profession.
As I can only answer the letter, I’m going to make some guesses and hope to hit the spot.I’m going to assume you were trained as a massage therapist as this is a classic occupation for the blind in Malaysia. And I will assume you want help managing your emotions, communicating with your former friends, and moving forward in a personal and career capacity.
Emotions first. You feel isolated and discouraged. Given that people are withdrawing from you, those feelings reflect reality. I would not be surprised if you also felt anger at the injustice, frustration at the obstacles, and sadness at the loss.
If you hope to reconnect, then you must start by communicating your emotions. This has pros and cons. If you approach one person or perhaps two, explaining how you feel and asking for their support, they may think and change their behaviour.
Before you do this, though, you must work out the best ways for you to communicate. Make sure you are up to speed on all the latest accessibility technology tools, especially assistive listening devices (ALDs) like hearing loops, FM systems, and personal amplifiers.If you haven’t already, it may help to talk to the Malaysia Federation of the Deaf (ph: 03-8070 9308 / email: infomfd@gmail.com / website: mymfdeaf.org.
When you are certain that you have the best communication methods at your fingertips, reach out to an old friend. Do it over a carefully, kindly worded text so there is no trouble with hearing.Like, “I have always enjoyed our friendship and since I’ve become deaf, I’m sad that we can’t connect like before. I’m feeling left out and a bit lonely. Could we maybe text or hang out?”
If you focus on making it easy and pleasant, it may help you reconnect. However, people don’t always do the right thing. There is a chance that they will gaslight you and then avoid you out of guilt.
Frankly, if former blind allies do turn away, I suggest we suspend norms here and not judge. You know firsthand that everyday life is so difficult for the blind, that people become very tired, very stressed and often, their low energy can push anxiety, depression, and burnout.So be practical. Consider your options, figure out if it’s worth a shot, and try to talk with one of your former friends.
If it doesn’t work, here’s another idea.Instead of trying to get back what you had, it may be more efficient to rethink who you are today and to take it from there.
You are a blind and deaf musician. What would happen if you looked for three new deaf friends who would be happy to have a text relationship with you? Maybe people who used to hear and who were music lovers. You could have long happy text-based conversations.
Once you become accustomed to socialising over text, you could then reach out and increase your social circle. It would help you feel more connected.
On top of this, you would rethink your music career by starting with a rebrand. Hip hop artist Will.i.am has tinnitus and he’s slowly going deaf, yet the multi-platinum Grammy Award winner keeps going. You could be Malaysia’s premier blind and deaf musician.
To get there, make it very easy to hire and interview you. For hiring, have an agent. I think this should be someone who can see and hear, because booking must be seamless. The client makes one call and then all the effort of organisation falls on you and your agent.
For your new profile, go on gigs and take new photos. Also have some studio shots done.
Next, write and put your personal history and basic information in an online document. Include your contact details and have updated gig details for fans and journos. Put everything on a website. Beg everyone you know to promote you!
Then go play a few gigs. Once you’ve done three, text a journo and ask them to come to a gig and do an interview. With both a long history in music and your interesting personal story, I know I’d be fascinated and I’m sure other readers would too. Journalists should be all over you!
Once you have your updated artist image in mind and out in public, you will find new friends to connect with. These will be people who share your interests and who are happy with texting or who don’t mind if you miss bits in a spoken conversation. After all, rock fans are all accustomed to a bit of hit and miss when chatting at a concert, right?
Once you have new connections and more work, I think you’ll be much happier. It’s not overnight but it is doable.
I hope this is what you were looking for. If it is not, please write again. And know I’m thinking of you!
