Dear Thelma,
Two years ago, I took up a job that was not my field of expertise: sales and marketing.
Honestly, this is my first job, and it is a fully commission- based job. Being unemployed (I did part-time here and there) for over five years during the pandemic, I had lost all my social skills.
When I went in for this interview and they said I was selected for the role, I asked the HR staff, in disbelief, “What made you choose me for the position?”
When I met my boss, he told me that he believes that people can be trained for some skills, hence, he selected me for the role.
In the first three months, I started adapting to this face-to-face sales culture, improving my social skills, and understanding the nature of the business.
Being an introvert, speaking with strangers was a challenge for me. After a whole day of talking, I won’t even say a single word after work.
I developed a different personality for myself while talking with strangers.
I am an average roller in the company. Perhaps one or two weeks in a month, I would be doing average and above.
For me to progress in this career, I am required to build a team by recruiting and training people. I naturally love teaching. Even though I am an average roller, the people trained by me do very well in their job, and high-roll too.
But I have a problem retaining them, maybe because of the traumas I had in my childhood. I have never been in a long-term relationship with anyone. The last time I talked to my closest friend was a year ago.
So meeting a person every day, talking casually to them, and on top of that, retaining them as a team member for a long time is a nightmare.
Looking at other people in the industry who are way younger than me becoming a project manager within a few months in the company, earning five figures a month, was a little demotivating in the beginning.
I was working from morning till night. But my boss would say, “After-work workshops are for upskilling and networking. When you have at least a six-digit balance in your bank account, then you talk about work-life balance. Till then, work your a** off.”
Every day is an uncomfortable day for me in this company. The person I was before the job and now is different.
When my boss sees that I am still a salesman, without a team, even after a year, he sarcastically mocks me.
I did not take it to heart at the start, but slowly, his mockery is affecting me emotionally and mentally.
He feels that I have a very slow learning curve. I was a smart student in school and university. I was the one student who did all the work in a group activity and saved the team’s name.
But here, being an average roller, sometimes not able to contribute to team goals, I am confused about how to handle my emotions.
I am a good listener. Many of my classmates liked to talk to me to find peace.
But here, whenever I want to describe or express something, it is deemed as complaining, unprofessional or spreading negativity.
The help that I offer someone backfires, with people questioning whether my intention is to manipulate the colleague to leave the company.
Colleagues opening up to me and me keeping their things private, not telling the superiors, is also considered against the management. I do not ask questions or speak much to anyone in the company.
I am still the person who comes first to the office. I was once appreciated for my discipline, but now it has come to, “What’s the point of showing up but there’s no progress?’
My parents don’t like this job, but I fought them all this while. I travel a lot for work every day, returning home late, yet I go back to work early every morning.
I don’t have time to exercise or read or spend some time with family anymore. Sundays were supposed to be off, but now sometimes there is work. I sleep less than five hours a day.
One day, I told my trainer, “I want to quit the job, I have been fighting this feeling of giving up multiple times over this year, but I can’t now. But I gave in to his plea. I empathised with him because I understand how it feels when the team breaks.
But again, I feel completely useless, with no leadership skills. I question whether I was a negative person all along.
I also understand that I am taking a risk. Employment opportunities after 30 are rare and difficult to get. I wish I could restart my 20s. What should I do, Thelma? Should I quit my job?
In existential crisis
Thank you for writing in – and so clearly.
First things first, you have an emotionally abusive boss and your work takes up your life, to the point where you don’t even sleep properly. My dear, this must stop. You are breaking your mental and physical health.
Furthermore, this toxic work culture has created a crisis of confidence. I strongly suggest you see a mental health professional, one who is skilled in treating emotional abuse victims, for a few sessions.
Process what happened, understand how the abuse has affected you, and look to heal from it and to restore your self-esteem.
As long-term abuse is damaging, you may also be experiencing depression, anxiety or c-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder). A decent therapist will help you figure out what is going on and how to work towards better health. Look for someone with a Masters in Counselling or Psychology.
Second, your job sounds like direct sales work. However, are you paid for the time you spend recruiting and training assets for the company? Because if you are not, then you may be involved in multi-level marketing (MLM).
In MLMs, there is no base salary, no guaranteed income, no Socso, no EPF – you are on your own. You have to hustle to get your own income and you are expected to recruit and train your own team – because they have to pay a bit of their income to you.
Many MLMs are blacklisted by the government because of their awful business practices.
To complicate matters, there are also MLM-like companies that are allowed to exist because they severely limit sellers and territories. It’s still not easy work, with no security, but the possibility of making money is better.
Given the circumstances, you need a proper job. But being clear on what this current company is may matter when you present your work in your future interviews.
Check the Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs Ministry website’s (www.kpdn.gov.my) “Development of the Direct Selling Industry” pages.
It includes a list of companies that are allowed to trade and a list of those whose licences have been pulled.
As it is not always totally up to date, also google your company’s name with the term “MLM”.
Now, as you are at breaking point, I suggest you take a short break, have some therapy sessions, and then prepare for the next step.
You have learned many skills in the last two years. You are an introvert who now has excellent face-to-face sales skills, wonderful social skills and you are adept at training too. You’re super employable!
You might work in sales, purchasing, training, business development, client success management and more. You don’t mention your degree, but perhaps this opens up further niche opportunities?
In short, get your CV together. Make sure you list your skills and summarise your sales experience.
If this company is an MLM with a bad rep that will get your CV kicked, I suggest you don’t need to list their name as an employer. Title it as “Independent Sales Consultant or Team Leader – Direct Sales”. Tell the truth in the interview, but focus on the skills you have picked up. In short, you sell yourself.
You can apply for jobs, meaning you tweak your CV to match ads and hope to be selected.
However, as an experienced sales person, you have a second option: ask friends and contacts if they know of a job in the company they are working for. Networking works!
Remember, you want a regular salary, EPF, Socso and a reasonable corporate culture. Look for a job where you can work nicely, and live a life too.
Finally, talk to your parents. They warned you that you’re in trouble, and you quarrelled with them. Apologise to them. Then give them a hug.
These steps won’t be an instant fix but they will get you out of this horror and into a proper working environment. You deserve to be happy, so don’t be afraid to reach out and make that happen. You’re hardworking, and you will shine if given the opportunity.
I hope you find my suggestions useful. Please know I’m thinking of you.
