Sadness is just one part of grieving, which can also encompass feelings of guilt, anger, confusion, and even numbness. — 123rf
No one likes to feel sad, but it is a natural part of the human experience.
Losing something or someone important is an event that everyone is likely to go through in life, and grief is a natural emotional consequence of such an occurrence.
Not just limited to the death of a (human) loved one, a person may also experience grief at the loss of a pet, a long-term friendship, a job, or even their childhood home in the form of prolonged homesickness after moving away.
In fact, HELP Education Group chief executive officer and psychologist Dr Goh Chee Leong observes: “Many people underestimate the level of grief people experience when they retire or transition away from full-time employment.
“People think that they will be a lot happier when they don’t need to go to work everyday, but few anticipate the loss of significance and purpose when their careers end.
“The leader who is used to having eight meetings a day, who makes million-dollar decisions every week, who can move stock prices with just a quote, suddenly finds themselves struggling to get even the attention of their children or grandchildren.
“This can be a bitter pill to swallow as they are made to feel irrelevant and insignificant, and this in itself involves a grieving process.”
He adds that we all experience grief because we love, care and feel deeply about the people around us and our lives.
“It’s not a sign of weakness, rather, it’s a reflection of our capacity to feel compassion as human beings.
“Grief can be terribly painful and difficult, but it can also lead to great healing and to a greater connection with life and with those around us,” he says.
Meanwhile, his colleague HELP University senior lecturer and counsellor Usha Ponnudurai shares that there is a difference between sadness, grief and mourning.
She says: “(Grief) is not just feeling sad, it is much more complex than that; it is a mix of emotions such as guilt, anger, confusion, even numbness sometimes.
“Sadness is just one piece of grieving.
“Mourning is how we express our grief outwardly, including crying, dressing in certain clothes, attending a funeral – the different rituals and practices that are experienced and carried out by different cultures and families.”
She also notes that as everyone grieves differently, there is no set period of grieving, with some people processing their feelings within days, while others take years, depending on the immensity of the loss.
However, she says that: “It can be concerning if the grieving interrupts one’s ability to carry out everyday tasks, such as going in to work on time, eating or sleeping well, or if one still feels ‘stuck’ in the same emotional place over a long time, e.g. feeling like life has lost its meaning or feeling hopeless.”
Dr Goh and Usha will be conducting a StarLive workshop titled Understanding and Living with Grief and Loss at Menara Star in Petaling Jaya, Selangor, on July 12 (2025).
The topics they will be covering include understanding the experience of grief, the many ways grief can manifest, dealing with your own and other people’s grief, and rebuilding after loss.
Organised by the Star Media Group in partnership with HELP University, the workshop will be from 8.30am to 11.15am, and cost RM20.
Subscribers of The Star can attend for free.
All who are interested in participating must register here as seats are limited.
