Kim used to be a cheerful soul. However, after she hurt her back picking up her newest grandchild, she has been nervous and snappy.
As for Hao, his mood soured when he slipped and broke his wrist. In the month since he fell, the bone is healing beautifully, but he remains short-tempered.
There is a persistent false belief that ageing comes with grumpiness. While that isn’t true, pain, anxiety and depression are related.
Therefore, as we age, we become more prone to small hurts, chronic pain and therefore our mental health can be affected.
Pain is a sign there is a problem. So when the body hurts, our system goes into fight or flight mode.
Most of us have forgotten our biology lessons at school, so it’s worth examining exactly what that involves.
There are processes we are intensely aware of: Sucking in air and a rapidly beating heart that helps oxygen flood the body.
At the same time, the brain is releasing cortisol, adrenaline, norepinephrine, and other natural chemicals that supercharge body efficiency and affect mood.
Also, the brain temporarily shuts down digestion, growth, reproductive and healing systems.
As a one-off stress reaction, fight or flight is fantastic for helping us quickly.
However, when we are stressed repeatedly, the picture changes.
With systems going off and on, we get upset stomachs, and disrupted digestion, menstrual cycles, growth and healing.
As some of the natural chemicals are involved in mood regulation, our emotions can be affected. It’s common to be snappy or tearful.
In addition, pain is frightening! Especially if you don’t know when it’s coming or how long it’s going to last.
Accidents do more than injure: They remind us that life and health are precious and fragile. A young person who has a near traffic accident may suddenly decide to take up those Thai classes they’ve always fancied.
For us mature people, it can also be a wakeup call that we are no longer young. Kim may suddenly realise that her bones are fragile – like her grandmother’s were. So she is frightened in case she hurts herself again.
As for Hao, that broken wrist may have made him realise how dependent he will be on others should something more serious happen. As he is a proud, independent man, that thought makes him miserable.
In our heads we know that we are senior, but when that knowledge is pushed into our hearts, it can be stressful.
Thankfully, we need not sit around and suffer!
Pain management can be approached in various ways. It is always sensible to talk to your doctor about pain relief. You might also consult a pharmacist.
If you have a doctor who is rushed off her feet, or who hasn’t fully developed empathy, then get a second opinion. There is absolutely no saintliness in suffering. So don’t be shy.
But mindset is important too.
First, if you did not feel pain, you would not know something needs extra care. Remind yourself that pain is a sign your body is working properly. It sounds strange, but it’s something to be grateful for.
Second, stop whatever you are doing and take a few minutes. As your body and mind are powering up, forcing you to breathe quickly, and driving that fight or flight reaction, you can take control through managing your breathing.
A useful mindful technique is 3-3-3 breathing. Just breathe in deeply for a count of three, hold it for a count of three, and then breathe out again over a count of three. Do this twice more.
Note: Be careful to do this nice and slowly! If you breath in shallow and too fast, you’ll hyperventilate and get dizzy and maybe even faint.
Third, after you have done the 3-3-3 exercise, have a distraction at hand. Your brain needs a few minutes to stop the fight or flight reaction.
So while your body settles and gets it together again, do something pleasant. You might pick up a book, listen to an audio book, pet the cat, or watch a bit of a show you love.
You might also count off lists, like six blue things in the room, or the capitals of Asean countries.
Finally, studies suggest a rather unusual tip. A 2009 study led by Dr Richard Stephens at Keele University, Staffordshire, England, proved that swearing can reduce the perception of pain.
Follow-up studies suggested that this is most effective for people who do not normally swear.
Neuroscience suggests that swearing prompts an area of the brain called the amygdala to release adrenaline, natural feel-good chemicals that have a soothing effect.
So, if your body is sending you helpful pain signals, you might check there are no small ones nearby, and conduct your own experiment and relieve your sudden pain with a quiet bit of inventive swearing.
Ellen Whyte is a British-registered counsellor and psychotherapist who has a soft spot for cats. She founded an online practice in 2016, and works with clients in 20+ countries. Email ellen.whyte@gmail.com
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