For many, equality in parenting may be a new concept. In the past, many parenting responsibilities fell on women’s shoulders because they were mostly stay-at-home mothers, while fathers went to work.
However, with education and development, today, both men and women are active in the workforce and parenting tasks.
This include being involved in their children’s socialisation, health, education, upbringing and day-to-day care.
In many households, more and more responsibilities are being equitably shared between both parents. This, in a nutshell, is what we call “equal parenting”.
Ideally, couples should start sharing duties as soon as they find out they are pregnant. As would-be parents, they should prepare for the arrival of their child together.
This includes visiting the doctor, attending prenatal classes, setting up the baby’s room and managing finances for delivery and the new infant. This early involvement will ease both parents into new responsibilities when the baby arrives.
Equal parenting has been shown to reduce the chances of postpartum depression, commonly seen in new mothers who get overwhelmed and tired with new responsibilities that they were unfamiliar with.
So the earlier young couples get into the swing of sharing responsibilities, decisions and opinions, the better it is for everyone.
While some couples naturally gravitate towards sharing responsibilities, others may not have it easy.
For example, if one parent is working and the other is a homemaker, or if both parents are working from home, division of duties may be complicated.
In these modern times, there have also been shifts in the traditional family unit resulting in divorced parents, step-parents and parents who do not live at home.
There may also be societal challenges. Not all people will approve of a father doing the dishes or changing diapers, or the mother handling the household budget.
And even when willing, not every parent has the skills to assist their kids with schoolwork and extra-curricular activities. Instead of dividing duties equally, try tuning into activities with your children based on what each parent does better in.
In all situations, communication is key. Parents should make it a habit to discuss everything openly and honestly with each other, especially if they need additional support to make things work.
• Work as a team. Remember, you are both partners in life.
• Make a chore chart. Negotiate and have clear expectations of each other and always deliver your side of the deal.
• Be flexible. Not everything can go 50-50 all the time. Instead of being calculative, learn to communicate when help is needed from your partner.
• Remember to acknowledge and thank your partner for the effort they put in.
• Schedule “me” time regularly and enjoy either a solitary time or some time with friends doing your favourite activities.
• Schedule “couple” time and spend time together. This will help both of you re-centre and appreciate each other more. Get relatives to help babysit the child, or pay a babysitter. These small breaks will go a long way in taking care of yourselves and each other so that you are better at managing parenting.Winning situation
When responsibilities are shared fairly, and when there is ongoing communication between parents, everyone wins. Parents become partners, motivating one another, and seek help from extended family and friends when necessary.
Best of all, children will be able to spend more quality time with both parents. This ultimately makes a child more open to discussion, keen to share problems, ask for solutions, and seek guidance when they need it.
Alexius Cheang is a behavioural psychologist. This story also appears on Positive Parenting, an education initiative by the Malaysian Paediatric Association. For more articles and expert advice, check out mypositiveparenting.org
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