Learn to deal with stress

I HAD a late night conversation with my mother a few days ago.

I began by asking her if depression was widespread in the 1950s and 60s. My mother, who is 73 years old, saw the Federation of Malaya gain independence in 1957, lived through the Communist insurgency and May 13, 1969, race riots, and experienced Malaysia’s socioeconomic transformation since the 1950s.

“No,” she replied. “We were materially deprived then but much more contented. We accepted life as it was; we had little to compare ourselves with, and there were fewer opportunities for anyone.”

Today, young people tend to compare themselves unrealistically with other people, and the world is changing at such an accelerated pace, she added. “Not only is it hard to cope, but many young people also expect things to happen instantly. Unrealistic comparisons coupled with the pace in which to address the shortcomings will cause self doubt and anxiety.”

I read somewhere that there is a strong link between heavy social media usage and an increased risk of depression, anxiety, loneliness, and self-harming.

On the other hand, our lives to a certain extent revolve around social media. We interact with friends, kill time, find career opportunities, and even our work requires us to be on social media. So, we cannot just divorce ourselves from social media.

How then can we become less anxious and depressed?

Here is a harsh truth: Most of our agony/anxiety is self-inflicted.

There are two types of stressors – controllable and uncontrollable.

Uncontrollable stressors are like natural disasters, economic depression or the death of a loved one.

They are unavoidable and sometimes unpredictable.

On the other hand, controllable stressors are like training for a competition, poor planning, ineffective time management, and paying too much attention to other people’s opinions.

I believe we can control our level of controllable stress. This does not mean turning a blind eye to our problems, but instead confronting them with a sense of inner peace.

We need not stress over things that have not come to pass.

Let’s look at some myths that need to be dispelled in order to ward off these controllable stressors.

Myth: The harder I work, the more I’m deserving of love.

Truth: Some people love you for who you are; cherish them.

Myth: Problems will plague me for the rest of my life.

Truth: Nothing is forever in this world, not even your problems.

Myth: I cannot make any mistakes in life because the whole world is observing what I am doing.

Truth: Thinking that you cannot make any mistakes is a mistaken thought in itself. Thinking that everyone is obsessed with your life is another mistaken belief.

Myth: On my deathbed, I will regret the many things I was not able to accomplish.

Truth: You will regret that you did not love more deeply or appreciate every moment of life

That said, I do not belittle mental health conditions such as clinical depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. We need to be more compassionate, empathetic and patient, and listen before we say anything.

Mental health issues are real, so besides doing your annual physical health check, do a mental health check as well. Care less about what others think of you, appreciate life, and make mental health a priority.

JOYCE TAN

Kuala Lumpur