My father, my hero

FOUR weeks ago to this day, my wife received a call from my elder sister informing us to rush to the hospital because my father had suffered a heart attack.

It is the call no child would ever want to receive. As my wife and I drove to the hospital that very dark morning, my mind went into overdrive fearing the worst news – that my father was no more.

Indeed, our greatest fears proved to be true. My father passed away just two months shy of his 74th birthday.

My father, Harpal Singh Grewal, was born on October 9, 1950, in the serene and picturesque town of Kuala Pilah, Negri Sembilan.

He was the son of Surjan Singh and Sojan Kaur, immigrants from India who arrived in Malaya before World War II. He had a brother, Gurcharan, and three sisters – Paritam, Herpal and Ranjit.

Life was not easy for my father; his upbringing was tough, marked by the challenges of a poor household. Yet, these early hardships molded the man who would become an inspiration to so many.

Growing up in Kuala Pilah, my father attended Tunku Muhammad School before advancing to complete his Sixth Form education at King George V School in Seremban. Despite the odds, he excelled academically, often studying late into the night under the dim light of a street lamp.

His dedication to education was unparalleled, and he was one of the first children in Kuala Pilah to read Time magazine, a testament to his thirst for knowledge.

My father was gifted with immense mental prowess and an unwavering determination. These qualities earned him a place to study law at the National University of Singapore (NUS) after a somewhat audacious interview response led to his rejection for a scholarship to study in England.

The interviewer asked him what he intended to learn about the law in England, to which he replied: "I will go to England, find out, and when I return, I will let you know."

This story always brought a smile to his face, reflecting both his wit and confidence.

My grandfather could not afford the fees of NUS so my father took a loan from the Seremban Sikh Temple which he later repaid in full.

My father’s years at NUS were among the happiest of his life. He often spoke fondly of the friends he made and the experiences that shaped him during that time. Witnessing the early transformation of Singapore under Lee Kuan Yew's leadership left a lasting impression on him.

He admired the vision and determination that propelled Singapore from a developing backwater to a thriving first-world nation that started in the 1970s. He would always tell me that one must be determined like Lee Kuan Yew to succeed in life.

However, life had other plans. After graduating in 1974, my father returned to Malaysia to care for his ailing father. He never expressed regret about returning, but I always wondered if he would have stayed in Singapore had circumstances been different. Perhaps then, I would not be writing this tribute today.

In 1982, my father married my mother, Harwinder Kaur. They built a beautiful life together, raising two daughters, Jesrina and Karina, and me, their only son. Our family was his world, and he was ours.

My father was blessed with two sons-in-law, Shailender and Terence, and a daughter-in-law, Natasha. He took immense pride in our multicultural, multi-ethnic family, which he saw as a microcosm of Malaysia itself.

His greatest joy, however, was his six grandchildren – Anaayah, Shayaan, Arshaan, Riaan, Alania, and Aaliyah. They were the light of his life, and nothing made him happier than spending time with them.

My father's legal career began in Kuantan, where he completed his chambering (pupillage). After the passing of his father, he returned to Kuala Lumpur and joined the law firm of Ariffin & Ooi.

But my father was a man of vision and courage. In 1982, he made the bold decision to strike out on his own, founding the law firm AJ Ariffin Yeo & Harpal.

As senior lawyer Datuk Dr Cyrus Das recounted during my father's wake, this was a significant departure from the norm at the time. Many young lawyers followed in his footsteps, inspired by his example of breaking with tradition.

My father was also a trailblazer in the legal profession. At a time when few Sikh lawyers ventured into conveyancing, he embraced it wholeheartedly. He also delved into corporate and commercial litigation, areas typically dominated by larger, more established firms.

His efforts were not in vain; over 250 reported cases bear his name, a testament to his legal acumen and dedication.

Among the lawyers my father held in the highest esteem were Karpal Singh, his senior at NUS, and Datuk Seri Gopal Sri Ram, who assisted him during the early years of his practice.

I vividly remember the time in 1998 when Prime Minister Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim was sacked as deputy prime minister. Needing a commissioner for oaths to affirm certain affidavits, Anwar found few willing to take the risk. But Karpal called my father, and without hesitation, he agreed to witness the affirmations.

My father later told me how Anwar, though down, exuded a fighting spirit that he greatly admired. Also, my father’s licence as a commissioner for oaths was not renewed and he never reapplied for one.

My father would also go on to represent former prime minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak in the aftermath of the collapse of the Barisan Nasional government in 2018.

He was agnostic about who he represented because he said as a lawyer, our duty is always to our clients and we must not pander to public sentiments.

Despite his professional success, my father was also a quiet philanthropist. He never sought recognition for the good he did, preferring to help others without fanfare.

During his wake, two young women approached me to share how he had paid for their education. Another former employee told me that my father had helped him buy his first house, while others recounted how he had purchased cars for them.

These stories, which I only learned after his passing, revealed a side of my father that even I was unaware of – a man who gave generously and selflessly, changing lives without ever seeking anything in return.

Beyond his professional and charitable endeavours, my father loved the good things in life. He enjoyed good food, travel, and the company of friends and family. He especially loved my cooking, particularly my devil curry and vindaloo.

We enjoyed meals at the dining table discussing politics, global affairs and sometimes mundane family gossip. It is these times that we will miss the most.

The pain of losing a parent is indescribable. As I grapple with my grief, the lyrics of Dean Lewis's song keep echoing in my mind:

"So how do I say goodbye

To someone who's been with me for my whole damn life?

You gave me my name and the color of your eyes

I see your face when I look at mine

So how do I, how do I, how do I say goodbye?"

But amid this pain, I find solace in prayer, reflection, and the cherished memories we shared. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "The purpose of life is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

My father lived well, and his life made a difference, one that was evident in the outpouring of love and grief from all who knew him.

My family has faced its share of tragedy with many deaths of our loved ones, and each time we mourn, I am reminded of the words of the ancient Greek tragedian, Aeschylus:

"And even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.”

These words, which have brought comfort to others, now bring comfort to my family and me as we navigate this profound loss.

My father was a man of integrity, courage and compassion. He touched countless lives, both within and beyond our family, and his legacy will endure through the lessons he taught us and the love he gave us.

Though he is no longer with us, his spirit lives on in our hearts, and the values he instilled in us will guide us for the rest of our lives.

Papa, you lived well, and you were loved deeply. Thank you for everything. Now you rest as you belong to the ages. We will miss you always. My father will always be my hero.

Ivanpal Singh Grewal is an Advocate & Solicitor. He was formerly Political Secretary to the Minister of Plantation Industries & Commodities.