The country’s best theatre

No joke: His Majesty Sultan Ibrahim, King of Malaysia, has been very clear that the honeymoon phase for parliamentary ‘theatre’ is over, and has demanded a shift towards quality, data-driven speeches. — Filepic/The Star

IT is 2pm on a Saturday. I’m rather stressed out writing this column as the deadline – to use a favourite phrase of one of my editors – was yesterday. I am further stressed out as at the rate I’m going, I might go to a sauna that is mesra gay (gay-friendly).

I worry that work stress might turn me gay. My anxiety is rooted in “scientific” parliamentary discourse.

On Tuesday, Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department (Religious Affairs) Dr Zulkifli Hasan provided a written response to Parliament listing the various “causes” of LGBTQ-related behaviour. Among the usual suspects like social influence and insufficient religious practice, he explicitly cited work-related stress as a contributing factor.

Apparently, if the deadline was “yesterday” or the boss is screaming for the article, my sexual orientation might just turn LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender).

Two days later, the minister urged the mocking public to read his full parliamentary written reply regarding LGBT lifestyles. Zulkifli said the public should practice “tabayyun” (verification) by seeking accurate information from authentic sources before forming opinions.

I checked his written reply, and the minister cited a 2017 study titled “Faktor Penyimpangan Perilaku Homoseks (Suatu Kajian Tentang Penyimpangan Perilaku Homoseks di Desa Lam Sabang)”, which in English translates to “Factors of Homosexual Behavioural Deviation (A Study of Homosexual Behavioural Deviation in Lam Sabang Village)”.

Interestingly, this study focuses on a specific village (desa) in Aceh, Indonesia, rather than anywhere Malaysia. Despite its very narrow scope, the minister used it to explain national “trends” in this country.

Malaysian ministers truly do say the darndest things.

Take, for example, Datuk Mohamaddin Ketapi, the former Tourism Minister. While at the ITB Berlin travel fair in 2019, he was asked by German media whether Malaysia was a safe destination for gay tourists.

His response was a masterpiece of denial: “I don’t think we have anything like that in our country.”

Maybe in Mohamaddin’s world, there’s no work stress.

Later, his aides clarified that the minister meant there were no specific “LGBT-focused tourism campaigns”.

Social media had fun panning the minister’s work stress and LGBT remark. However, it gives the impression that Parliament is a joke.

Parliament shouldn’t be a joke.

In fact, His Majesty Sultan Ibrahim, King of Malaysia, has been very clear that the honeymoon phase for parliamentary “theatre” is over. In his royal addresses, the King explicitly demanded a shift towards quality, data-driven speeches.

Beyond the viral LGBT soundbites, the Dewan Rakyat will soon see some of the most significant legacy-defining Bills in Malaysian history being presented for passage into law – something we should all be paying a lot more attention to.

Prime Minister Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim’s government moved towards instituting guardrails, such as the Prime Ministerial Term Limit Bill, which aims to cap tenure at 10 years, and to separate the Attorney General and Public Prosecutor roles to ensure judicial independence.

While the separation of powers between the two legal roles is a significant move, it is the cap on a prime minister’s term that is currently garnering all the attention. Some argue that it will stop corruption. The counterargument is that it will increase a PM’s appetite to make as much money as possible during the term limit.

Which reminds me that in September last year, the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission seized approximately RM169mil in cash and assets from “safe houses” linked to a former prime minister.

Also this week in the Dewan Rakyat – and also overshadowed by the LGBT issue – Ranau MP Datuk Jonathan Yasin spoke about the unresolved grievances of the Borneo side of Malaysia. He issued a blunt historical challenge to the Federal Government, urging it to produce any evidence or minutes from the 1963 formation of Malaysia proving that Sabah and Sarawak ever formally agreed to hand over their oil rights.

Yasin argued that the Petro-leum Development Act of 1974 was passed at a time when the two territories’ political protection had been eroded, and he demanded the immediate return of one-third of parliamentary seats to restore the federation’s original balance. He made it clear that after 60 years of waiting for the 40% net revenue claim, Sabahans’ patience has finally run thin.

Two examples of the serious nature of our august House. And yet, the issue that made the most noise (and got the most jokes) was the LGBT one.

It’s now 4pm. My stress levels are peaking.

As I type this final section, I feel a sudden urge to go to a sauna where, as the authorities discovered just last November, there are no victims.

In the massive raid on the wellness centre in Kuala Lumpur, more than 200 men – including teachers, doctors, and foreigners – were hauled off in towels under the glare of the media cameras.

But the authorities couldn’t charge a single one of them under Section 372 of the Penal Code because, as it turned out, no one was being “exploited” or “coerced” into anything.

Safe place for me to release my stress, don’t you think?