Bullying is rooted at home

Children who are verbally abused at home tend to repeat the action in school. — Freepik

SCHOOL bullies have always existed, but thanks to growing awareness of the issue, more victims are now speaking up.

A friend recently shared how her daughter revealed an experience of verbal bullying by a classmate.

Both were 14-year-old secondary school students.

The girl, who was a class representative for a subject, had been called “lousy” and “useless” by a school prefect.

According to the girl, the boy often joked and spoke humorously with others, but with her, he used demeaning words.

He even told her she was not good enough for the position she held.

Being more sensitive, she took the insults to heart and broke down in tears when relating this to her mother after months of endless verbal bullying.

The mother informed the school’s discipline teacher, who took prompt action.

Both students, along with the subject teacher involved, were called in.

The issue was discussed and resolved, and the boy was issued a warning letter.

After the matter was settled, the boy approached the girl and pleaded with her to keep her mother from informing his parents.

The girl told him the matter was over, but firmly reminded him not to repeat the behaviour.

This may seem like a minor issue compared to the more tragic cases we have seen in recent years – including students who have taken their own lives due to bullying.

But every incident matters.

Parenting teenagers is no easy task.

However, having open and healthy communication with our children is absolutely crucial.

My friend always made it clear to her children that they could go to her with anything that troubled them.

She had built that bond from a young age, making sure they knew she was always available to listen to their woes.

Aside from guidance, she would also provide support and assistance.

We often hear people say, “Things were different during our time”.

But let’s be honest – it wasn’t all rosy back then either.

There was no Internet or social media, but we had poison-pen letters and endless gossip.

We had late-night phone calls over dial-up lines to vent our feelings to our peers over personal issues with bullying.

Parents sometimes even got into arguments defending their children.

At the end of the day, the key lies in the behaviour parents model at home.

When parents call each other – or their children – “lousy” and “useless” in the household, it won’t take long for children to repeat such words at school.

When parents resort to hitting their children in the name of “discipline”, children may internalise that violence as a way to deal with frustration and then inflict it on others.

As the saying goes, “Monkey see, monkey do”.

So let us strive to be “good monkeys”, because our children are watching us.

In many cases, a child’s negative behaviour reflects what they observe within the four walls of their home.

Let us break the cycle of name-calling, bullying and toxic behaviour in our families. Change must start at home.