Dos and don’ts of CNY chit chat

AS with every Chinese New Year celebration, there’ll be an abundance of food, laughter and general sense of happiness that comes with being united with one’s kith and kin.

During family dinners and house visits, the conversation will be as free flowing as the mandarin oranges and drinks.

Whatever the season or occasion, I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion.

But there is a fine line between standing one’s ground and stepping on someone’s toes.

For CNY this year, I have driven 360km south to be with my youngest brother.

On the fifth day, I will drive another 210km north to visit two uncles.

Not that the distance I have travelled and will travel can hold a candle to the university student from Chongqing, China, who flew 1,600km to pick up her mother and take her back home so they could be together.

But all in, I would have spent close to 10 hours behind the wheel while my two sons will probably irritate me with their constant hints that it’s time to buy a new car.

So, I am certainly not going to throw away all that effort to be together with my loved ones only to lose the feeling of goodwill in the mere minutes it can take for a friendly debate on current issues to turn into a heated argument.

I recall one year when two cousins nearly ended up in a fistfight over who was to pay for the reunion dinner bill.

What would start off as one’s generous offer to give everyone a treat is thwarted by another who insisted that the “honour” should go to a more senior member of the family.

One amicable solution was for both to split the bill, but unfortunately, one forgot to bite his tongue when he said (in jest) that since the other was not earning as well, he should step back and let the “big boys handle the important stuff”.

It did not take long for the other to launch into a fiery speech about “respect”.

To cut a long story short, the dinner ended with both parties going off in a huff. Neither paid the bill.

Fortunately, time was able to repair the relationship between the two.

The incident also served as a good lesson for everyone - if you have nothing nice to say, zip it.

So, as we exchange ang pow, gifts and wishes in the Year of the Wood Dragon, let’s remember to also keep the conversation pleasant.

Rule of thumb is to remember that an argument avoided is an argument won, and if your opponent is an elder, let him or her win, even if you’re right.

As for the elders, remember that the younger generation is not interested in your observations on whether they have put on weight or are not making enough money.

This is not to say one should bring out the syrup jug and sugar-coat everything.

It is still important to keep the conversation real.

At the same time, let’s not forget that talk can be cheap and action does speak louder than words.

If, for example, you feel a relative is taking too long to find a life partner, take the role of matchmaker yourself.

After all, Valentine’s Day does fall on the fifth day of the Lunar New Year this time.

Here’s wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year.

May we prosper and progress.