An inclusive dating platform helps people with disabilities connect with those who understand their journey. Photo: 123rf
Dating apps, online dating sites, and singles parties are often ways to help find a partner, though that is not always straightforward.
It is especially tough for people with special needs.
Reddit users around the world wondering if "there any good dating sites for the disabled?" exchanged notes on the challenges of conventional dating apps.
"Ableism is so pervasive," Kyla Harris, a writer of a comedy/drama about love and disability told the BBC.
Dedicated sites are now being created in many countries. They include SingleDisabled, Disabled Dating, Enable Dating and Disability Match in Britain, all emphasising a safe space for people to meet.
In Germany, some 7.9mil people were living with a severe disability at the end of 2023, according to official data - and here, too, special dating services have recently emerged.
One runs under the motto, "Find your treasure," and is online in cities nationwide, born out of an association in Hildesheim, a city in northern Germany.
Dating sites create a safe and inclusive space where people with disabilities can connect and form meaningful relationships. Photo: dpa
It was designed as a safe space to support people with disabilities in their search for a partner, offering an opportunity to connect and get to know one another.
"There is a tremendous deal of 'Help me with this, I want to meet someone'," says Michael Lübben. He and Ines Lemke are the people to contact at the site.
Safety and protection is paramount, says Lübben, noting that many have experienced fake profiles or bullying on other dating platforms. It can happen to anyone searching for love online.
"When I talk to my male friends who are on Tinder, for example, some of them regularly fall for fake profiles," says author Nadine Primo, who writes and gives talks about diversity, sex and love.
Balancing expectation with reality
The Hildesheim site, whose name, translates as "Treasure Chest," is subsidised and free of charge for participants.
People with disabilities can contact the mediators to schedule an appointment, where they discuss their preferences before adding them to the registry.
According to Lübben, it is important to balance expectations with reality, noting that many people envision a perfect partner, often based on unrealistic ideals.
"It's a common pattern," he says, "where a lot of conversation is needed to align expectations."
The app's staff come along on the dates. The project in Hildesheim also recently ran a first flirt party with more than 200 participants.
They held it in the Tanzhaus, an accessible location, where people could dance, eat and drink and retreat for quiet conversations.
The singles were assisted by "flirting angels" who collected contact cards.
They then matched individuals interested in getting to know each other.
Marc, 32, has been in relationships in the past but, he says, they all failed for the same reason. "The women always wanted children, but I didn't."
He was hoping to find a long-term partner at the party and was very excited. "I couldn't get to sleep last night."
Luisa is also on the lookout. "I would like a female partner." The 42-year-old has only been in relationships with men, but they didn't work out, she says. She hasn't yet found anyone at the party.
Others were luckier, finding a "match." Alexandra and Kan both were interested in getting to know each other better and moved from the noisy dance floor to a quieter room for a chance to talk.
The two organisers were satisfied with the way the first contact party went.
"There were a few couples walking around that evening holding hands or kissing and telling me that they had just met tonight," says Lübben.
But some were also disappointed not to have found anyone.
You can never fully control whether two people will fall for each other, whether it's through dating app algorithms or support from a group.
"At one meeting, I thought to myself: that was terrible. Somehow they couldn't really talk to each other," says Lübben of one first date he accompanied.
"And then the mum told me on the phone, 'now they meet up every week and have become lovers'." – dpa
