Heart and Soul: Open letter to Leo Messi

File photo of Leo Messi in 2006. Photo: AFP

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Dear Leo,

I am writing this to you despite knowing that you will never read it. Writing has always been my coping mechanism and maybe that is why I chose it as my profession.

I know all good things must come to an end but never in a million years did I think it would end in such an abrupt and ugly manner.

Last Friday (Aug 6 in Malaysia), the club that I have come to love so much left me anguished with an insurmountable pain by releasing the lamest official statement saying that they will not be able to keep the greatest player in the history of the club, the greatest player of all time, in three very short paragraphs.

It left all Culers like me in an utter state of confusion, disbelief, pain and anger because none of us saw it coming. In fact, like you, we had been waiting for news of your successful renewal with the club.

I refused to believe it and waited for you to say something. I knew that I would be emotionally destroyed if you ever cried during the press conference. And you cried before you could even utter a single word. You couldn’t even talk and only answered the stupid questions thrown at you.

I have known for a long time now you have been bringing way more to the table than what you received. And, I also know a relationship can never last when it comes to that point. We don't deserve you, Leo, we don't deserve you.

How do I even explain to people what you meant to this club and to us? Time and time again, you chose to stay at this broken club over more money and other clubs with better sporting projects. It's not the same as any legend who left their beloved club. No disrespect but this is a love story that will put all the others to shame.

You have been a part of more than half of my life. You will never know of my existence, but in terms of closeness, you are only second behind my family. You have been with me in my ups and downs, offering me solace during my lowest and making me the happiest, all with your art.

Night after night, year after year, I have watched you play and you never once lost the enthusiasm of a child, in victory and defeat. I literally grew (old) with you. All you needed to be happy was to have a ball at your feet, and it was all I needed to be happy too.

You gave this club and me so many moments of awe, so many goals, so many twists and turns, so many body feints that left some of the best defenders on the floor unable to do what they do best, so many of too many beautiful things that I can't even list them all down.

But it's not just the things you do on the pitch. I feel it has more to do with the person you were off it.

I still remember the time you smiled coyly when you collected your sixth Ballon d'Or, the most any player has won. You were always like that. An animal on the pitch and the most humble character off it.

For a girl who is timid and doesn't speak much, I surprised people with the aggressiveness with which I defended you in every silly argument. Football and Messi discussions made me speak more loudly and confidently because I haven't been so sure of something in my life as I was about you.

But I accept all that has happened in the past week, given that it’s played out to be in your best interest. Just like the partner who'd never want anything but for the other half to be happy even if it's not with them, I only want you to be happy wherever you go.

Your love story with FC Barcelona may have come to a bitter end because of the doings of some crooks and those who voted for them, but your love story with football is eternal. And, so is mine for you.

I will continue to wake up at 3am to watch you play even if it is against Lille or Montpellier.

Graham Hunter once described what Cruyff meant to FC Barcelona in the best way possible. He said, "If the 175,000 FC Barcelona members, or socis, queued up in an orderly line, night after night, to massage his tired feet, cook his dinner and tuck him into bed; if they carried his golf clubs around Montanya's hilly 18 holes; if they devoted 50% of their annual salary to him, it still wouldn't be anywhere near enough to repay the debt, which those who love this club owe to Johan Cruyff." I dare say it is an understatement, thinking back of all that Johan has given us. And, today, I can say the same about you. Nothing that we do or say will ever suffice for all that you have given us.

My heart will never not ache watching you play in another shirt, but I know the sadness will eventually fade and you will naturally put a smile back on my face the moment you kick a ball.

I only want to look back and remember you with gratitude. I will forever be grateful for being able to enjoy and bask in your greatness. I am going to sit right here and continue to enjoy you even if it is not in Blaugrana colours and I will wait for you, Leo. I will be here waiting for you. Hopefully, there will be a reunion for us so that we can honour you in the way you deserve and let go of you more graciously.