WHEN I was informed that I failed the doping test, I felt extremely upset and frustrated.
I wondered why it had to be me, why must they take away the effort, the sacrifices I’ve made and the results I’ve achieved.
During that time, my tears flowed freely on a daily basis.
I locked myself in the room and refused to see or talk to anyone at that point in time.
I tried to calm myself. My family also felt bad for me but they tried their very best to encourage and motivate me.
Text messages from fans were also a source of encouragement for me.
I knew then it was time to pick myself up.
I started to jog everyday to keep myself fit and I started to read motivational books.
The days became slightly better and brighter. I learnt that it was not only about looking forward but also looking upward.
When one is upset and can’t move forward, the best is to look up to the sky. One will understand that life goes on and one can live their life in their own way.
The first thing I want to do when the sanction is lifted is to get back to training and do some quick catching up.
It’ll be tough to get back to training after a long break but I’m ready to put in the hard work. This is the only way that I can repay all who have stood by me and gave me encouragement during the dark season in my life.
My goal this year is to bring glory to Malaysia in world-class competitions.
I hope to represent Malaysia again at the Asian Games, World Championships and more.
To be frank, I did not think about the sentence because I was afraid of the worst.
Some people told me that it could be a six-month ban, I didn’t want to believe it. But when I received the FINA notice this morning, my heart was relieved.
The eight-month verdict is long but I sincerely thank God because it could have been worse.
This painful experience has changed me. It has taught me about trust in people and seeing things from different perspectives.
It also showed who my friends are and who are just passers-by in my life.
In all this, I’m sure of one thing – my love for diving is the same. I will not give up easily. I still have confidence in myself.