Who is a real Malaysian?

It’s fair to say that a love for food is indeed one of Malaysia’s biggest uniting factors.

THIS last week, some old guy stirred up a little hornet’s nest by implying that if you used chopsticks to eat, you weren’t a "real Malaysian" – and that you have to eat with your hands, in order to be a ‘real Malaysian’.

The memes that followed were pretty funny. My favourite was the one which showed a series of photos featuring major political figures who had been this man’s nemeses for each decade since the 60s, where the last photo for the 2020s showed only a pair of chopsticks.

I understand kids these days describe this phenomenon as “gatekeeping” – where someone tries to act as if they are gatekeepers who get to decide who is “in” and who is “out”.

Gatekeeping is frowned upon, and rightly so.

The basic question is, why should any one individual get to decide who is a ‘real Malaysian’ and who is not?

In The Chimp Paradox, Steve Peters put forth this idea: your ‘true self’ is whoever you want to be. Every other person or personality you manifest is basically you getting in the way of yourself.

Reading this for the first time many years ago was a bit of a life changing experience for me.

I think the same Cartesian-ish logic applies to the question: Who is a “real Malaysian”?

The answer I like best is: whoever thinks of themselves as a real Malaysian, is a real Malaysian. Cogito, ergo sum (I think, therefore I am).

We don’t need anyone, least of all any privileged old men, to tell us who we are. Only we as individuals can determine that question for ourselves.

Our political leaders need to reflect the true aspirations of the Malaysian people.

The question of our national identity is an old one.

Most nations have some sort of national stereotype. We associated Americans with freedom (whatever that means), Germans with efficiency, Japanese with civic mindedness, and so on.

What are Malaysians?

Hungry, maybe.

It’s an old joke and stereotype, but I think it’s fair to say that a love for food is indeed one of Malaysia’s biggest uniting factors.

This must surely be related to the fact that we have some of the best and most diverse food in the entire world (and no, this is not an exaggeration or blind nationalist boast).

Indeed, I believe our food is so delicious precisely because it is diverse. The best roti canai has to contest with the best nasi lemak, the best char kuey teow, and the best Sarawak laksa.

Over time, different culinary traditions mix and merge, ensuring that only the most delectable, world class results rise to the top.

This should be exactly how all aspects of the different cultures in Malaysia mix and merge to produce the best possible version of a Bangsa Malaysia – a culture and national identity which takes and integrates the best from each culture, while never sacrificing its own uniqueness.

I don’t think I’m wrong in saying that this is what a majority of Malaysians want. If that’s so, why hasn’t it become a reality?

I believe the answer lies in the divisive nature of our politics. As long as politics continues to be dominated by racial narratives and organised along racial fault lines, the dominant narrative in Malaysia will always centre around a perceived zero-sum competition between races, rather than around genuine cooperation and synergy.

This is perhaps Malaysia’s biggest tragedy, and the biggest failure of our political leaders to reflect the true aspirations of the Malaysian people.

As I repeat ad nauseum though, the thing is: we don’t have to wait for politicians to lead the way in building a true Bangsa Malaysia. We are perfectly capable of doing so ourselves, from the ground up.The question of course, is: how?

As I reflect on it, I feel that building a nation is not unlike building a healthy marriage.

Key elements include: spending quality time together, having joint projects, and genuine mutual understanding and empathy.

These three elements create something of a positive feedback loop.

There can be no “relationship” of any sort to speak of unless people spend quality time together.

The manner in which Malaysian society over the last few decades has slid into greater siloisation, where people from different backgrounds spend less and less quality time together, and have fewer and fewer meals together – resulting us failing this first and most basic criteria.

Alongside the global trend of how the internet is herding us into smaller and smaller echo chambers, we have retreated away from the days where free and open interaction was common, into days where we seem to only spend time with people who talk, eat, and live the same way as we do.

I noticed that the degree to which I see my high school friends depends on whether there is a mutually enjoyable joint activity we can meet around. In our twenties, it was gaming at cybercafes, and in our forties – in some semi-vain attempt to keep our bodies from completely rotting away – we now meet regularly for squash and tennis.

Nations and societies similarly need mutually enjoyable, mutually beneficial joint projects to organise around. If we get caught up in the political narratives of zero-sum racial games, we will never coalesce around the many, many things Malaysians should be coming together to build as a team.

Given the leadership vacuum, we need to come together as civil society to identify common goals and joint projects that will benefit all Malaysians, regardless of background.

Whether or not Bangsa Malaysia becomes a reality may well depend on whether we can identify and focus on projects that we can work together on in a gotong-royong spirit.

Finally, when we spend time together and build things together, this will open the door to the true heart and soul of building a Malaysian identity: mutual understanding and empathy.

“Nation-building” is one of those words that everyone bandies about, without knowing exactly what it means.

I believe a nation is built when people start thinking of themselves as being alike to one another.

We will always have our differences, and that is a feature, not a bug; but the tipping point in this journey of nation-building is when Malaysians start to realise - hey, my neighbour really has a lot in common with me.

It doesn’t matter whether they use their hands, a spoon, or chopsticks to put food in their mouth; what matters is that we all want to see our families fed well, and enjoy a lifetime of happy meals together.

Once we start to feel more deeply in our hearts that our fellow Malaysians are nothing more and nothing less than neighbours and “saudara-saudari” along the journey of life with whom we have more in common than not, then we will have taken the most important step towards unlocking the massive potential of our great nation.

Nathaniel Tan wishes Tun Mahathir a speedy recovery. He works with Projek #BangsaMalaysia, and is signing out for 2021. Have a great 2022 ahead! Email: [e-mail]. The views expressed here are entirely his own.