PETALING JAYA: For eight years, caring for an elderly stroke survivor became the centre of Kevin Francis and Sue Chan’s lives – a responsibility neither fully understood when they brought his mother home from hospital.
Francis’ mother, Gaynor Miranda, suffered a stroke in November 2018 at age 70, leaving the right side of her body affected.
After about a week in hospital, the couple were told she would return home dependent on them for almost everything.
“They told us: ‘You are going to bring home someone like a big baby.’ But we didn’t really know what we were getting ourselves into,” said Chan in an interview.
At home, bed-to-wheelchair transfers, bathing, meals, injecting insulin and medication quickly became part of their daily routine.
Before the stroke, Francis’ mother had been independent, including managing her own medication and insulin.
Francis became the primary carer while Chan remained the family’s breadwinner. He was already undergoing a career transition, but caregiving soon became a full-time responsibility.
“You only really learn it when you’re going through it,” he said.
Getting his mother to hospital for follow-up treatments was another challenge, with Chan having to take leave because two people were needed to transport her safely.
Eventually, they sought private help, including home-based physiotherapy and a helper twice a week, while a family member stepped in at weekends.
For Francis, the biggest toll was psychological.
“You feel a bit trapped. You can’t basically live your own life. You have to live a different kind of life,” he said.
Chan said caregiving also changed their family relationships.
“The responsibility of being a carer is so huge that he couldn’t really be a son anymore,” she said.
The couple also had a young daughter, but caregiving consumed so much of their attention that parenting sometimes became a matter of getting through each day.
“When we are taking care of her, you just have to go through the motions. It’s survival,” she said.
The responsibility also followed Francis into the workplace.
He recalled working at a place where starting time was 8.30am and being five minutes late meant a RM50 deduction from his pay.
“If I’m taking care of my mother, then taking the train to work and all that, sure you’re going to be late a few minutes.
“You can’t have a rigid mindset like that. You have to understand your staff. That’s what managers are for – to understand the staff and try to work things out accordingly,” he said.
Sadly, Francis’ mother passed away last November.
Dr Wong Teck Wee, vice-president of the Malaysian Healthy Ageing Society, said experiences faced by Chan and Francis showed why support for family caregivers must extend beyond healthcare.
The proportion of Malaysians aged 65 and above rose to 8.4% in 2026, from 8.0% in 2025, according to the latest figures by the Statistics Department.
Wong said family members often became the “hidden pillar” of eldercare but were left to cope with the physical, emotional and financial demands with limited structural support.
He called for measures including caregiver tax reliefs, subsidised social security mechanisms, flexible working arrangements and paid caregiver leave.
“Caregiving is not just about looking after the older person. We also have to ask who is looking after the caregiver,” he said.
