Chris (left) looking at a 2021 photograph of him and Alfred, who died last year, at his home in Collegeville, Pennsylvania. — ©2024 The New York Times Company
WHEN Chris Mancinelli stepped into his late father’s home last summer, memories greeted him from the refrigerator door. Among crayon drawings from grandchildren and poolside family photos, one image stood out: Alexa Bliss, the professional wrestling star.
Alfred Mancinelli, 79, had been utterly convinced he was in a romantic relationship with Bliss. In reality, he had fallen prey to an elaborate scam.
Over several years, he surrendered around US$1mil in savings – including funds meant for his granddaughters’ education – to online fraudsters posing as the wrestling icon and other characters.
Attempts to intervene backfired. When Chris, a chemical engineer, safeguarded his father’s remaining US$100,000 in a secure account, Alfred sued him. His loyalty was to “Lexi”.
“There was nothing we could do to convince him,” Chris recalls, describing how his father, though mentally sharp, seemed adrift in purpose.
Groomed by scammers
Alfred’s story is tragically common. Victims of romance scams often fall into a cult-like trance, groomed over time by con artists posing as lovers, financial advisers or officials. Once ensnared, they reject even the starkest evidence of deceit.
“Romance scams are the most pernicious,” warns Darius Kingsley, a consumer banking expert. Victims often lash out at those trying to help, including banks that might freeze their accounts.
In 2023 alone, Americans lost an estimated US$12.5bil to online scams, with romance fraud accounting for US$652mil, according to FBI data. Many cases go unreported.
Older adults, often targeted for their perceived wealth and technological inexperience, bear the brunt. However, even fully competent individuals succumb.
Chris looking through trustee papers at his home in Collegeville. — ©2024 The New York Times Company
Marti DeLiema, a gerontologist at the University of Minnesota, explains: “They’re often seeking companionship, financial security or a sense of purpose. Scammers exploit those needs.”
Isolation and heartstrings
For Alfred, the scam filled a void. He had endured immense losses: the death of his first child to leukaemia, the loss of his wife when their children were young and a forced early retirement from his job as an electronics technician.
Scammers like “Kate” – who claimed to have a sick child – and “Anna” – allegedly aiding unwell children – spun heart-wrenching tales that resonated with him.
Alfred’s entanglement worsened during the isolating days of the pandemic.
By 2021, his US$900,000 nest egg had dwindled to US$128,000. Most went to Bliss impostors, a common persona in scams, and their supposed associates.
Chat logs read like a soap opera: battles with his son, “evil” meddlers trying to sabotage his love and even references to wrestling mogul Vince McMahon allegedly humiliating Bliss.
Each fabricated crisis drew more financial support from Alfred.
The scammers played on sympathy, often claiming Bliss was hospitalised and needed funds for treatment. They sent trinkets and even arranged birthday pizza deliveries, cementing their emotional grip.
Desperate measures
Chris tried everything: elder care specialists, therapists and financial plans. He even cleaned his father’s Google account, discovering connections to Nigerian IP addresses.
Desperate, he moved the last US$100,000 into a secure account, only for Alfred to sue him in 2023. The legal battle strained their relationship to breaking point.
“Why am I in federal court trying to help my dad? Why don’t I just let it go to zero?” Chris recalls wondering.
Eventually, he returned the money. A month later, it was gone.
Alfred had also taken out personal loans, putting his home and belongings at risk.
Emotional vulnerability
Experts believe scammers exploit emotional Achilles’ heels, triggering fear, urgency or excitement to override rational thought.
Research from Stanford and AARP shows that victims often enter a heightened emotional state, making them easy targets.
Chris suspects unseen cognitive decline, though his father passed mental tests.
Alfred’s behaviour – becoming reclusive, ignoring minor car accidents – was out of character.
“He lost all his money, his family relationships and was constantly stressed, trying to get more money for them,” Chris says.
“I loved him. I wanted a close relationship, but it ruined everything.”
Alfred never reconciled with his son. He died from complications after neck surgery following a fall, leaving behind a legacy of heartbreak and financial ruin – a stark reminder of the devastating power of deception. — ©2024 The New York Times Company
